I feed the telephone cord through my fingers.

‘Come over,’ I say after a pause. ‘This afternoon, while Mutti is paying her monthly visit to the soldiers’ home. Come at four.’

I replace the receiver. She is going to find out soon enough anyway. Mutti has written to the school to tell them I shan’t be returning after the holidays.

Better that she hears it from me.

*

Vera lets Erna into the house. I hear her pound up the staircase, then her quick tread along the corridor. I force myself to face the door as she comes in, the shame of my bump clearly exposed beneath my clothes. I hold my breath and wait for her disgust.

‘Hetty?’

She walks towards me, looking at my face. Instinctively, my hands drop to my belly and only then does she lower her eyes.

‘Christ Almighty!’

‘Yes.’

‘That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?’

‘It might as well be the plague!’

‘Oh, Hetty! How? Who’s the father?’

‘Do you really have to ask?’

‘Walter?’

I nod and begin to cry. Big, fat tears. They never seem to end.

She’s beside me, her arms around me and I sob into her shoulder.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I couldn’t. I was so ashamed. I hoped it would just – go away.’

‘But – but how far are you?’

‘Nearly five and a half months.’

‘For the devil’s sake, Hett, how did you keep it hidden?’

‘Desperation.’

She sinks onto the bed and stares at me. ‘You should have told me,’ she murmurs. ‘I could’ve helped.’

‘How? What could you have done? I’m doomed. That’s all there is to it.’

‘What d’you mean, doomed?’

My nose is running and I search for a clean handkerchief in my top drawer. Finding it, I blow my nose and sit next to Erna on the bed.

‘When Vati found out, I thought he was going to kill me, I really did, he hit me so hard…’

‘Oh no, that’s awful!’

I show her the scab and the remaining lump on the side of my head. ‘If Tomas hadn’t walked in at that moment, I really think he would have done.’

‘Tomas? I thought he was staying away.’

‘He wrote and said he’d had enough of that, and he wanted to take me out for lunch. Anyway, he turned up in the middle of this almighty row and announced the baby was his.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Exactly. He’s… not right in the head. He thinks I’m some kind of fallen angel who needs saving. He told Vati he’ll marry me. At first, I was relieved. I mean, I don’t want to marry Tomas, but I thought that if it meant Walter’s baby would be safe, and if we could live together as a family, well, I could make that work.’ I gulp. Take a breath. ‘But he told me I have to give the baby up. Put it in an orphanage… He said he couldn’t bear to raise a mischling child. He’s forcing me to give it away!’ I begin to cry again. ‘How can I bear to do that? I hate him, I loathe the sight of him – and now I have to marry him!’