That part, at least, seems to be true.

Vati, who had been lost in thought watching Tomas, suddenly seems to snap awake. He looks once more at Mutti, then steps forward and shakes Tomas by the hand. He begins to smile. Mutti, too.

‘Well!’ Vati exclaims. ‘This is indeed wonderful news. Herta had me worried for a few minutes – but never mind that now. I’m sure I can speed up the permission process. A doctor will need to examine you, Herta, but with Tomas guaranteed as the father, that won’t prove a problem. This calls for a celebration. My daughter married and the first of many children on the way. A drink! It isn’t too early for a drink at eleven forty-five, is it? Tomas, what will you be having?’

I have to sit down; I’m shaking all over. Mutti sits beside me and rubs my back, fusses over my head. She rings the bell and asks Vera for ice, cloths and iodine to wipe the wound.

Vati and Tomas smoke cigars and toast each other with champagne.

An unexpected life begins to float in my mind like a weird, surreal dream. A little flat with Tomas. Me a wife. A baby. Walter’s baby. I shall always have a piece of Walter with me. I place a hand on my belly and for the first time, I can begin to imagine a future where this new being inside me will be okay. Hetty and Tomas. Tomas and Hetty. It sounds all wrong…

Can he really want me this much?

The thought makes me shudder.

But he is giving Walter’s baby and me a chance. I cling to that thought with all my might, to stop myself from drowning.

*

Mutti insists we stay for lunch instead of going out as planned. Vati’s mood, fortified by champagne and plenty of wine, is jolly.

‘Listen, young man, I had humble beginnings. There is nothing wrong with that,’ he tells Tomas. ‘You have proved yourself to be a good, upright German, despite the – the difficulties caused by your father. That shows determination. Moral courage. I’ve no doubt you will do well in the Wehrmacht. We need many more young men like you. I’m fortunate I have all this,’ he gestures to the grandness of the room. ‘I’ll help with the rent on your first flat until you can stand on your own two feet.’ He looks at me. ‘And Mutti will be close by to help with the baby – it will be good for her to have something to distract her from, you know… Something positive…’

*

After lunch, Tomas and I walk together in Rosental. I’m nervous to be alone with Tomas. It’s so strange. To passers-by we must look like a nice young couple, strolling hand in hand. In love, baby on the way. A perfect little German family.

If only they knew the truth.

‘It’s warmer than I thought,’ I comment as we walk. ‘I should have worn my shawl, not my coat.’ Tomas doesn’t reply.