‘I understand. It’s – it’s such a dreadful shock.’

She stands close and for a moment I think she’s going to reach out and touch me, but she grips her own hands tightly instead, the whites of her knuckles showing.

‘It’s the worst thing that could ever have happened,’ I tell her.

‘I – I know. I’m so very sorry. I mean, Bertha and me, we’re awfully upset too.’

I look at her properly. Straight into her pale grey eyes, trying to see into her soul. But she’s as impenetrable as steel. Anger flares. Who does she think she is, with her snide comments and stealthy manner, her smirks and her flirtation with Karl? Was she the one who told him about Walter? How dare she presume to understand what it feels like to lose my brother. ‘Why should you care?’

She takes a step backwards.

‘I’m sorry. I never meant to offend…’ She’s blushing.

‘You haven’t answered my question,’ I press her coldly. ‘Why should you care so much?’

‘Karl was always kind to me,’ she stammers. ‘I mean, he is… was… so handsome, and kind. But the best thing about him, he listened. Took time to talk, get to know me, like he cared—’

‘Just how well did he know you?’

‘I don’t understand what you mean,’ she says shaking her head and looking miserable. ‘What are you implying?’ She flushes deep red.

I stand, square up to her.

‘Nothing. I’m not implying anything.’

We stare at each other.

‘I don’t want any food,’ I tell her, turning away. ‘I just want to be alone.’

‘I only wanted to help,’ Ingrid says, her tone clipped. ‘That’s all.’

I hear the door click shut behind her and return to stroking Kuschi. I should speak to Vati and get her fired for spying on me. But if she knows what I’ve been doing, what then? What would Vati do if she were to tell him?

Wissen ist Macht. There is nothing I can do about her.

I lean my head against the shutter. Drained and exhausted, I shut my eyes.

I have lost my brother. Life will never be the same again.

*

The late afternoon air has a chill to it as I make my way to Erna’s flat. Autumn has arrived without me noticing. Or perhaps the cold is coming from inside. Hunger gnaws at my belly. I haven’t eaten a single thing all day.

Erna greets me with a welcoming smile at her front door.

‘Oh, Erna!’ I grab her hands to stop mine from trembling. ‘I have some terrible news.’

‘What? What’s happened?’

Erna’s arms are around my shoulders, her warm green eyes search mine and I begin to cry. The pressure in my chest spreads, until my whole body is gripped and wrenched, cell from cell, by the realisation Karl will never again come home.

‘Come inside,’ she says, guiding me up the four flights of stairs to her flat.

Before she opens the door, I turn to her. I imagine her parents still don’t know about her relationship.