But Camilla wouldn’t let me off. ‘Come on – tell me how affectionate you feel every time your mother rings you up and informs you how big Haji Baba’s growing. Come on – come clean – tell me how you handle it.’

‘There’s nothing to handle,’ I explained. ‘We’ve never gone in for the sort of violence that …’

‘You mean you all love one another?’

‘Not exactly, but…’

‘Not exactly? Barney, you’re hopeless. You couldn’t tell the truth if your life depended on it.’

[5]