‘Lottie’s practised it with her friend throughout the entire autumn holiday and now she’s driving her teachers potty too. The principle is very simple. Shall I tell you how it works?’

Martin shook his head, but this didn’t spare him Kramer’s explanation.

‘You put liv after every vowel, then repeat the vowel afterwards. Walivakelive ulivup yolivoulivu ilividiliviolivot means wake up you idiot.’ Kramer slapped the steering wheel, as if he’d just told the joke of the year.

‘I understand,’ Martin said, before adding ‘alivarseliveholivolelive’. Kramer stopped laughing and looked straight ahead sulkily.

Martin’s mobile rang. Although the number wasn’t one of his contacts, it seemed familiar, so he took the call.

‘Martin?’ Gerlinde Dobkowitz began the conversation with reproach in her voice. ‘What sort of a way to behave is that? I mean, I can understand that you didn’t propose to me, even though I’m still quite a catch, but to skip offboard without so much as a goodbye, and then not even a call afterwards to say you’re back on dry land, well, that’s pretty steep!’

He was going to tell her that he was deliberately avoiding contact with anyone who reminded him of the Sultan, and thus of Timmy but, as ever, she didn’t let him get a word in edgeways.

‘Anyway, I was just giving you a bell to say that I’ve finished my novel. You know, Cruise Killer.’

‘Lovely title,’ Martin said, seeking a polite way to end the conversation.

‘Isn’t it just?’ she agreed perkily. ‘Although I thought The Bermuda Deck was even better.’ But it appears that my second theory about the secret deck and experiments on people hasn’t proved correct, although I haven’t altogether given up the hunt for a secret way in. Anyway, a female serial killer in the ship’s basement isn’t to be sneezed at, is it?’

‘You had a nose for it, Frau Dobkowitz, but—’

‘I’ll send you a copy if you like. Or I’ll give it to you in person. I’m coming to Berlin next month.’

‘You’re leaving the ship?’ This was a surprise to Martin.

‘Of course, what do you think? As soon as my bestseller came out, they’d have kicked me off the boat anyway as a traitor. Besides, I’ve had enough of being here now. My need for death and violence has been sated. If I don’t watch out I might vanish too in all the excitement. At seventy-eight plus five you’ve got to take things a bit more easily.’

‘Seventy-eight plus five?’ Martin asked, blinking nervously. He froze. Gerlinde giggled to herself.

‘At my age you don’t just count the years, but the months too. And even the days, if possible, when the final checkout is looming. I mean, I wouldn’t say the worms are already licking their lips when I wheel myself across the meadow, but—’