Yes, yes, it was still the early days. And sure, she was still occupied doing some of the seemingly unending administrative setup for the new firm, but now that she and Ellie were mostly done with that, the silence was starting to terrify her. She was already tired of lying to people that their new firm was “soooo busy” like she’d said in an email to a former colleague today. But she knew she had to fake it till she made it, so fake it she would do.

But … how long would she have to fake it? Had this all been a huge mistake? Did this silence mean their firm was going to fail? She had a lot of money saved up—she’d been thinking about getting out of the big-firm life for a while now, and she’d tried to save as much as possible—so she wasn’t worried she wouldn’t be able to pay her rent or would have to give up on the firm in the short term. She had enough to support herself for at least the next two years, if necessary … but if it were necessary, that would mean she had failed.

Honestly, if she still had to rely on her savings by early next year, she’d have to give up, realize she couldn’t cut it, and go crawling back to a big law firm.

It was different for Ellie—Ellie relished her newfound work-life balance, and she seemed to have no worries at all about how quiet everything was right now. Ellie could pick her kid up from school, go to teacher conferences without having to balance the needs of clients and demanding senior partners, and have dinner with her family every night. And Ellie had a husband to fall back on, one who made a substantial salary of his own. She didn’t have to support herself or worry that she might have to cash in her 401(k) if this venture of theirs didn’t work. Olivia didn’t resent Ellie for any of that, and she didn’t doubt her passion for their firm, but it was just fact.

On her date with Max, she’d had to pretend she was successful, confident, and oh so busy. The whole time he’d asked about their firm, she’d held back her anxiety and fear and doubt, and put on her Proud Businesswoman/Boss Lady hat. And while she was proud of herself and her firm, she was also terrified.

What could she do now, this afternoon, to make this firm a success? She’d networked her ass off at the bar association on Monday night. But there wasn’t anything else going on tonight that she could find, for either lawyers or small businesses.