With FA ending, now might be my chance to do just that. That is, if I stop feeling guilty and panicked long enough to pick a project and stick with it. But what happens if Manolos doesn't work out? What if I don't like any of the other pilots? What if the people from that play hate me? Could I be washed up at seventeen? Could my first year at the VF party also be my last?

"Check out the lighters," Matty interrupts my thoughts. I pick one up. They're custom-made Zippos engraved with the quote, I've been to a marvelous party. "I've got to take one of those," he adds. I give him a look. I'm not sure if we get to swipe these.

Dinner itself and the four-plus-hour award ceremony go by in a blip. It doesn't hurt that each course, prepared by Morton's chef, is more delicious than the last -- burrata with a red and yellow tomato salad, New York strip steak with spinach and French fries, thyme-encrusted tuna with a fondue of leeks and rice, butternut squash ravioli with sage sauce, and apple tart with caramel sauce and vanilla ice cream.

The company is even better. Whoever did this seating chart must have read one of my interviews -- I just spent four hours sitting next to Carrie Fisher. THE Princess Leia!

I'm sure she thought I was crazy because I kept staring at her. I wanted to ask her to say a line from Star Wars or something, but I was too embarrassed. I couldn't wait to steal away from the table and tell Austin. I even took a picture of us together with my Canon Sure Shot (the perfect camera for a tiny metallic purse). I'm going to have to blow it up wall-size for my room.

But you know what was even better than getting that photo? Carrie Fisher knew who I was! She loves Family Affair. My show! I could have died right then and there. The two of us started chatting about storylines and the next thing I knew she said the ten little words that make my heart start beating like an athlete after four Red Bulls:

"I can't believe Family Affair is going off the air."

And even worse:

"What are you planning to do when the show ends?"

Even on Oscar night, when everyone is focused on someone else's body of work and who's going to win the little gold man, I can't escape my career anxieties. Even sitting next to Princess Leia can't make me forget about that. I give her my stock answer that I've perfected by now: "I'm excited about the future and am exploring my options."