I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. "I don't party all the time," I say. "And you know those stories are bogus! Even if I was going to events more often, having different priorities never bothered you before." I choke, trying hard to fight back the tears. What exactly is going on here? How did this conversation turn sour so quickly? "What's happened to us?" I ask, afraid of the answer. "I feel like we're worlds apart."

"Maybe we are," Liz says quietly. She doesn't look at me. "Things don't feel the same. Maybe we're just . . . growing apart."

The words hang there and the thought knocks the wind out of me. I blink several times, willing the tears away. "I thought we could talk to each other about anything," I whisper.

"Hey," Mikayla says happily as she slides back into the booth and interrupts our fight. She sees our faces. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine," Liz and I say at the exact same time. The silence at our table, in the middle of the crowded restaurant, just sticks there like the restaurant's pea soup.

One of my tears falls on my wrist and I wipe my eyes quickly with my napkin. This is all wrong. How did I lose my job, my best friend, and my ability to choose all in a matter of a month? I have to get out of here. "I have to go," I say, not looking at Liz. "I forgot I have an interview with Self this afternoon about PYA and FA."

"Eff Ay?" Mikayla asks, looking confused.

"It's what everyone calls Family Affair," Liz explains stiffly.

"Oh, I don't watch network television." Mikayla shrugs. "Just the History Channel, Bill Maher, and some CNN."

"Anyway," I interrupt, "It was supposed to be at four thirty, but Laney just left me a message saying they moved it up and I have to be there in forty-five minutes."

"Kates, wait," Liz looks tentative. I can't look at her directly or I'll burst into tears. "Are you sure you have to go? Let me at least walk you out," she says. She has a weird look on her face.

"No thanks," I tell her and sling my Cinch bag over my shoulder. "I think I can take it from here. It was nice meeting you, Mikayla."

And then I turn to leave through the crowded restaurant, my eyes brimming with tears. I don't even give Mikayla a chance to say goodbye.

Saturday, January 31

NOTE TO SELF:

Call Laney. C if I can get an article in Self.

Study 4 SATs.

VF party -- Sunday, February 8

Final Jay Godfrey fitting -- Tues. @ 7

Gift suites: Sat. all day.

Date w/A: Sat. night B4 he leaves 4 scrimmage.

Sun. -- Tina coming @ noon, Paul styling @ 2, Shelly coming @ 2:30.

Find date 4 VF party.

Eight: All's Fair in Friends and Vanity Fair

Tonight is the night. I'm about to go to the most talked-about event of the year, which some might call an award in itself.