Anger flared, but it was at the universe, not her. “This demon thing wasn’t my idea!”

“I’m not talking about the coven and shunning. I’m talking about you changing everything.” Ivy crossed her legs and gripped her biceps, looking vulnerable. “The Weres, the elves, the vampires. You’re stirring everything, like a catalyst, and you’re leaving us behind. It’s okay. We’re not mad. Sad maybe, but not mad.” She let go of her arms and met my eyes. “I knew ever since you sealed that room in the tunnels that you and I weren’t going to work even if you woke up some morning and wanted it to. I felt the power of what you could do. I saw it. I saw the fear in Edden’s eyes. It only made me love you more.”

I blinked fast. “And you don’t think I need you? After that? Ivy, it was your soul that protected me.”

She nodded, hiding her face as she wiped her eyes. “You’ll do better once you let us go. Jenks and me both. We’ll be okay.”

My head was shaking in denial. “I’ll beat this, Ivy. I always do.”

Her chin came up. Eyes black, she snapped, “What if you do? You think we can drive back to the church and go on like nothing happened? It won’t work. I can’t pretend anymore that one day you’re going to wake up and be anything different from what you are right now. I’m not talking sex and blood. I’m talking about you and change. How you make it happen and how you adapt to it. Your mind lets you. Jenks and I…we can’t.”

“Ivy.”

“I never had a chance,” she whispered.

“Ivy!” I said louder, and she focused on me.

“I never had a chance,” she said again. “But thank you. I’ve seen what it’s like to be normal. Been a part of a family, even if I was on the fringes.”

I reached over the space between us, touching her. “You’ve never been on the fringes.”

She looked at my hand on her, smiling almost. “I’ve never been in all the way, either, and don’t start thinking that you did me wrong. Hell, Rachel, if I’d gotten all the way in, I would have self-destructed, destroyed myself. You knew that,” she said, and my hand fell away. “I don’t…I didn’t have a way to cope, to accept that I deserve good things. But I feel good right now.”

She smiled, looking at the ceiling as she wiped her eyes again. “Do you know I’d never remembered feeling good before you? Kisten was safe, but you felt good, even when you weren’t around. Even when you were out doing stuff. Even when I was out with one of my blood partners, and I knew that when I came home…” She hesitated. “I knew that you would be there, or would be back soon, and you wouldn’t look at me and hide your disgust at what I am but would let me work it out. You were like a warm finger touching my thoughts, pushing the black down and not letting it rise up. Keeping me sane. I’ve felt good so often that now I can recognize it even when it doesn’t come from you. I can feel good about other people.”