There was a scuffle behind us before Toni jammed her head between the seats, looking first at Jeff, then at me. Jeff yelped, grabbing at the wheel as he fought not to lose control. Toni rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be a big baby,” she said. “If you’re all like this, the humans are going to win no problem, and then you’re going to look pretty damn silly. Right before we lock you in some secret government lab and experiment on you for twenty years.”

Jeff stared at her. That seemed somewhat unsafe, given that we were still driving; I reached over and pushed his head gently back toward the road.

“Toni, please don’t antagonize the driver,” I said wearily. “Jeff, this is Antonia Fabris, the astronomer who intercepted the signal from the fleet. She probably knows more about what it can tell us regarding the position and timing of the invasion than anyone else in the world.”

“Also I was nearly assimilated by one of your fucked-up pod flowers and I hate you,” said Toni.

“There’s also that,” I agreed.

Jeff scowled, keeping his eyes on the road. “Then what is she doing in the van?” he demanded. “If she was a failed conversion, there’s no way she’s on our side.”

“I don’t think any sensible human is going to be on your side, Seymour,” said Toni blithely. “I mean, there is a distinct lack of coming in peace in your overall game plan. But see, the human race is not on my side either, because they think there’s something wrong with me, on account I’ve been playing the role of the heroic football quarterback in a nineteen-fifties monster movie for most of my life.”

“What?” squawked Jeff.

“Sadly, I understood that,” I said. “She means no one believes her when she says the aliens are coming.”

“Bingo,” said Toni. “And see, if this were a classic creature feature, I’d have a beautiful cheerleader girlfriend to protect and I’d figure out how to defeat you and then you’d go away forever while we made out chastely in front of the chagrined adults. Alas, that is not to be. No one is ever going to believe me, not until you’re here, and if you’re half the invaders I hope you are, you’re not going to be easy to stop once that happens.”

“You just said you hated us.”

“I do,” said Toni blithely. “Thing is, I hate everyone else even more than I hate you. You’re not my own kind. You’re under no obligation whatsoever to be kind to me or take care of me, and they were, or should have been, until they decided I was too damaged to be useful. This isn’t the Victorian era. An asylum wasn’t an option, on account of how at some point we figured out that locking people up and throwing away the key doesn’t work. So they got me an observatory in the middle of nowhere instead, and as long as I keep taking my meds, the checks keep coming, and that should probably be enough, except that it’s not. I hate them for throwing me away. All your people will do is kill me. Somehow, that seems like the better deal.”