“Stasia knows about bears, though,” said Mandy. “Remember the time Robert had a black bear in his backyard? I don’t think bears would have stopped her from leading the invasion.”

“I’m not leading this invasion,” I protested. “I’m an understudy at best. ‘The part of the alien invader will be played by…’ The leaders are not people who sprouted here.”

“Do you think you three could shut the actual fuck up before I tell my men to shoot one of you?’ demanded Agent Brown. “You’ve been enough trouble already.”

“Why, because we broke her out of your little warehouse of the damned? Please.” Mandy folded her arms, settling into the intransigent posture she had been wielding like a weapon for most of our friendship. In that moment, she was truly and utterly magnificent. I had never loved her more, or been more determined to do right by her.

“You were holding our friend, who is an American citizen no matter what you say, captive against her will, and without her having committed any crimes apart from being made of slightly different biological material,” Mandy continued. “Did we violate the security of a secret government compound to get her back? Well, yeah, we did. We’re awesome like that. But I’m pretty sure our crime was less criminal than your crime, which means I don’t really care about what you think of us. Stasia pays her taxes like everybody else.”

“No one’s paying taxes anymore, because of her and people like her,” snapped Agent Brown. “No one’s sending their kids to school. When a house catches fire, the firetrucks don’t show up to save it. The social safety net is gone. Society is on the cusp of following it down.”

“So you’re pissed because she’s a better Republican than your guy, is that it?” Mandy shrugged. “Take it up with your Congressman, I guess. Maybe we can put an alien in the White House. See how many of those programs come back online.”

“Shut your mouth,” said Agent Brown. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“And neither do you,” said Mandy. “Isn’t this a beautiful new world we’re living in?”

“Where, exactly, are we going?” I asked, breaking in before the two of them could go for another volley. Entertaining as this was to watch, it was running us in circles. I wanted answers, not a floor show. “Is there some sort of government in exile functioning in Vancouver?”

“Do you mean, are you going to get a chance to attack the president?” Agent Brown raised one eyebrow. “How cliché.”

“I came back down here to talk,” I said. “I could have stayed in space, you know. Safely away from you people.”

“Maybe that would have been the better idea,” said Agent Brown. “Why are you here?”

“I told you, I want you to take me to your leader.”