FART stood for the Fight Against Racial Tranquility. It had gained instant recognition three days earlier when Wheeler released a stinkbomb in the dining hall during dinner. He’d then sent an anonymous letter to the school newspaper stating that “FART takes credit for the odor that permeated the dining hall on the day that has become known as ‘Gas Thursday.’” Strange thing was, he didn’t even intend for FART to be an affront to blacks, Orientals, Hispanics, Arabs, or any other minority. He just enjoyed being controversial. There were only eight or nine blacks in the school, and a couple of them had helped him out.

Wheeler and Candle hung around for about an hour sucking down bloodys and listening to Rudy Ray. At about one, Irving got back to the room so I tried to escape. Wheeler followed me out to the hall.

“Hey, Dunphy,” he said, “are you interested in furthering mankind while simultaneously returning crackhood to its lowly rank in the hierarchy of humanity?”

“No.”

Wheeler grabbed me by the shoulder and stared me down.

“I’m organizing a Legalize Rape Movement,” he said. “You want in?”

I pushed him away and walked off.

Wheeler said, “What are you, pussy-whipped?”

“Fuck off.”

“Okay, sucker,” he called down the stairwell, “I’m not going to ask you twice, but don’t blame me when your future crack takes you to the bank and back in divorce court. It happened to my father three times!”

I walked down the stairs, pushed through two sets of doors, and stepped outside. I stood buttoning my jacket in the bright sun.

“You may be Mr. Liberal right now, Dunphy,” Wheeler yelled from the window above, “but wait until you don’t have Weston’s crack at your disposal! Then you’ll wish you’d supported an androcentric society and fucked the Uncle Tom act!”

I was amazed that even he could be carrying this thing so far. “What if I told you that I don’t have Jane at my disposal?” I said, immediately regretting it.

“In that case, I vastly overrated your intentions and your brains, Dunphy, and furthermore my offer is officially rescinded.”

I turned up my collar and walked into town.

“Are you high again?” Jane asked while we were thumbing to New Milford.

“I have a little buzz on.”

“Why do you smoke so much?”

“Because I like it?” I guessed.

“But can’t we ever do something straight some time?”

I thought this over, “Yeah, I guess we could.”