“I, um . . .” I cleared my throat and turned my face away from him. Only then did I reopen my eyes. “Mari’s number,” I said as soon as the excuse popped into my brain. “I need Mari’s number.” He was the only person I knew who had it, and I felt a renewed sense of urgency to get ahold of her. If I could reach her, maybe she would know what had been done to Sammy in that lab. Maybe she would know how to cure him.

Nik was quiet for a moment, his pale eyes searching mine. “Do you have a phone?”

I shook my head. I’d been going through a different burner each day, and I’d tossed today’s as soon as I left the Tent District. I pulled a Sharpie out of my coat pocket with shaking fingers. I always had a couple on me.

Nik whispered the number to me, watching as I jotted it onto the back of my hand. “I’ve been trying her every day,” he added. “She’s never picked up.”

When the pen was capped and back in my pocket, Nik leaned in further, pressing his body against mine and bringing his lips to my ear. If anyone walking past either mouth of the alleyway saw us, they’d think we were just a couple of punk kids making out. I kind of wished it were so simple.

“You could’ve called the shop for that,” Nik whispered. “Why’d you really come here, Kitty Kat?” His lips grazed over the shell of my ear as he spoke his nickname for me.

A shiver rolled through me. I splayed my fingers on the brick wall behind me, my nails digging into the grout to keep me from reaching for him. From pulling him closer. He loved messing with me. I just had to keep reminding myself that was all this was. Him messing with me. That’s it.

“Tell me the truth,” he breathed.

“I—” The words “I wanted to see you” caught in my throat. But I had. I’d wanted to make sure he was still here. That he hadn’t vanished into the night again. That he was safe. I choked on the words. Those pathetic damn words.

“Are you ever going to forgive me for leaving?” This wasn’t his messing-with-me voice anymore. This was his full-on serious voice.

I squeezed my eyes shut and a tear snuck free, snaking down my cheek. I didn’t have the mental or emotional ability to deal with this shit right now. I’d let Nik take a single, tiny step into my heart once, and the fallout had nearly destroyed me. Literally, figuratively . . . pretty much every-ly. I couldn’t afford to let something like that happen again right now. Maybe not ever.

Nik pulled back, just enough that he could see my face, and I peered at him through my lashes. For long seconds, he stared at the tear, stuck somewhere between my cheekbone and my jaw, then raised his gaze to mine. “Kat . . .” His whisper was raw, gutting, his breath mingling with mine. He leaned in.