‘Julian, look, they haven’t got anything firm yet as far as we can tell. I’ve ordered some software to scan all the systems. Until we know anything, we have to play a very straight bat, stall for a few weeks, come up with as many delays as we can, and also you must go and see the Secretary of State. Once Cy has paid over the money and we’ve straightened everything out, the whole thing should go away. An enquiry, the FSA faffing about, perhaps a reprimand in a year’s time. That’s it. Look, they don’t even want to go after Lehman’s, who hid $50bn. That’s ten times the GDP of Montenegro.’

‘Nige, even this government, desperate as they are to get re-elected on their wonderful financial policy, is not going to be able to resist if the press demands some heads on a plate. You can just see how they will frame it.’

‘OK, so go and square Koopman’s. Speak to Kronwinkel. Tell him that the hedgies placed some money in a dodgy fund and that you are sorting it out. Business as usual, Charity Commission’s accounts in order. Kronwinkel likes a quiet life. Tell him our auditors are on side. They will be – I have spoken to Derek this morning – and they’ll give an interim approval. And we must talk to Cy. He is way too big for the government to ignore. Just make sure when he’s actually going to pay, then that gives the Business Minister the opportunity to say look, we’ve been involved in encouraging First Federal to buy Tubal and Co., and I’m glad to be able to announce that it’s all agreed. It’s all for the best and in the national interest – blah-blah. If it emerges that an enquiry is required, we will institute one . . . all that sort of guff. Cy may even get a grant or some tax breaks.’

‘Do you want to speak to Cy?’

‘No, I think you should do it. He’s back in Florida so you can call him at about noon. He likes you: you’ve got class.’ (He tries a Bronx accent, unsuccessfully.) ‘And I think you should get on to Goldstone. Actually it’s probably better to wait a day or so until you’ve squared Koopman’s. Explain to them how dangerous these rumours are and say they must refute them if called on. But Cy must also be in the loop.’

‘If he isn’t already.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I think he may have been pulling the strings. I think he’s bought one of the hedgies. And by the way, you seem to have forgotten that you said it was just fishing.’