Since music wasn’t helping, I decided on a new tactic and called my assistant while I made a sweep through the house.

“Anne, walk me through the to-do list for the next three days.”

“Are you multitasking again?”

“You know me.”

She rattled off a mile-long list of tasks, concluding with, “And the contract was just delivered. It would be great if you could sign it before going out of town.”

“Sure, I’ll stop by. I don’t know why we can’t all embrace the era of electronic signatures,” I mumbled. “Would save time, space, and trees.”

I made no progress packing while I was on the phone, so I ended the call. Honestly, I’d just hoped talking to her would interrupt the incessant stream of negative thoughts.

It quickly became apparent that I’d brought far more than a few essentials to Carter’s place.

God, my stuff was everywhere. I had clothes on almost every surface in the bedroom, and even on an armchair in the living room. My makeup and skincare products occupied two shelves out of three behind the mirror in the bathroom. My scrubs and hair masks were spread out in the shower. His shower gel and shampoo were squished in one corner. I even found some of my clothes in Peyton’s room.

When had I taken over his apartment?

Had I made myself too comfortable? Been too intrusive?

Oh, God, I had, hadn’t I? Taking over the girls’ schedule, even getting involved in choosing a nanny. He’d repeatedly told me that I didn’t have to take on so many tasks.... I’d thought I was doing a good thing, that I’d made myself useful. If anyone looked up intrusive in the dictionary, my picture would be right next to it. I’d been that way as a kid, and after my parents passed away, that trait had intensified. Partly because I’d needed to take charge of everyone’s lives, and partly because it was simply my nature.

It was the only way I knew how to love. I went all in, involving myself in every aspect of their life.

I broke out in a cold sweat as for the first time since our fight, I thought about another angle. The voucher burned in my pocket. I tried to calm myself down. It had been a thoughtful gift. I forbade myself to dissect it and turn it into something it wasn’t. But he’d also told me to use the time to think if I was really okay with this, if it’s what I wanted. What if he’d asked me to reconsider if I was happy because he was reconsidering things as well?