I talked to the girls in April’s room. The three of us sat on her bed—up until the point I told them their grandma was staying at the farm. Then Peyton stood on her tiny legs and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“She doesn’t love us anymore?” The sound of her small, shaky voice tore at me.

“Of course she does, pumpkin. But her home is there, and Pops needs her. He can’t be alone all the time anymore.”

April was biting her fingernails. Peyton said nothing, but her little body started shaking, and then she broke out in sobs. Panic crawled inside me as I tried to soothe her.

“We’re going to do fine, I promise.”

“But what if we need Grandma?” Peyton asked after the sobs subsided. “What if we have girly questions?”

“You can always call her.”

“But she might not answer,” April said reasonably. “Can we ask Val?”

I really should have cleared that with Val before answering, but the girls were watching me with such hopeful expressions that there was no way I could say anything other than, “Yes.”

“And if Val leaves too?” Peyton pressed.

Way to stab me in the heart, kiddo. I could tell how much they feared this. Hell, I feared it too. I felt as if I was standing on quicksand, and any second now I’d sink in over my head.

“Girls, whatever happens, I promise you we’ll figure it out together.”

––––––––

Dinner was a quiet affair, and the girls went to bed straight afterward.

“Are you okay?” Val asked softly once we were alone in the living room, curled up on the couch together.

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, honestly. I’ll have to look for a new sitter.”

“I’ll help you. And I know the girls’ schedule anyway. We can share some of the tasks until you find someone new.”

My gut clenched. “You’re sure? I’m very involved in their lives, and without my mom... they’ll look up to you as a female influence.”

“I figured that. I can be an excellent mother figure, if I say so myself. You can ask my siblings for references.”

I drew her into my lap until she was straddling me. “I don’t doubt you for one second.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

I decided to lay all cards on the table. “This is too much.”

Val’s shoulders dropped. She shimmied further back, as if she was trying to get away from me. I could swear she’d become tinier.

“You... you want to take things slower?”

“No, Val. That’s not what I mean. I don’t want to take things slower. Sometimes it feels like I can’t even breathe if you’re not with me. But I’m well aware this isn’t what you signed up for.”