Sumi picked me up that morning to go to court.

Omar had to work, there was an important meeting with a client for a large contract and he had to go in. We had spent the weekend talking and making love. We were seized with a renewed passion, spending hours in bed, making love once, twice, then again and again. Omar was insatiable. He said, I just want to be inside you, all day.

It was carnal, but it was love. We drank wine, ate soft cheese and crackers, fed each other with our fingers, read, slept and made love. It was glorious, the sharing of our bodies. We whispered, moaned, shrieked under the sheets, in between breaths, our bodies sticky with pleasure and sweat. We lusted after each other. I felt safe from the world outside, and Omar was my protector, the one person I could turn to, the one man I trusted with my life.

He had forgiven me. But why? Why did you do it? Get so wasted like that, he said, his head on my breast.

I don’t know what to do with my life. You all seem to…and I don’t…

Know what? A sense of purpose?

It’s not just that Omar, I feel useless.

Useless? That’s harsh. Why are you so hard on yourself?

I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I promise. I am going to be the best wife to you. Just let me start with that.

You want to?

Yes, this marriage is going to be the most important thing in my life.

It was a solemn promise. His eyes searched mine, seeking confirmation. I was going to make it right, I was going to do things right.

At the Syariah Court, Sumi and I found Marina standing next to a potted plant, smoking. She was dressed in long black pants, a long-sleeved blue shirt and her hair was tied back in a ponytail. I had never seen Marina without make-up before and I was startled.

She shrugged and smiled when we walked up to her and we both hugged her long and hard.

Hansem tak? Marina laughed.

Did they do anything to you in there? I asked.

Marina shook her head. No. But it was horrible, just horrible…

Sumi interjected. I am not a Syariah lawyer, so I don’t know how this is going to work.

It’s okay. There is someone here from Legal Aid.

She stubbed the cigarette out with a pair of men’s sandals. Her crimson toenails stuck out.

Let’s go in. You have your tudung?

Sumi and I nodded. We were on sacred ground, and our heads had to be covered.

The courtroom was smaller than I’d imagined, and it was already packed. There were at least fifty people seated and more were coming in. The large ceiling fan whirred, but it was still stuffy. I wished I had something to fan myself with.