It had been a tragic, lethal distraction to want something for herself. All the remorse in the world would not bring Jennie back, not let her raise her children, grow old with the man she loved, someday hold her grandchildren in her arms.

Oh, to have her life back the way it was before!

"You should go." The words came tumbling from her lips, spurred by her fervent wish that she'd never laid eyes upon him in the first place. "Leave with your family and friends. Go back to where you came from and leave me behind you."

LYSANDER DID NOT FLINCH from the blow. As surely as he knew he loved Gemma, he understood why she could not love him. His darkness was anathema to her light.

He wanted nothing more than to stand fast, to fight for her if he could, to win her heart against any opponent — but who was the enemy, if not he himself and all the troubles he had laid at her door?

There was only one more thing that she deserved to know.

"I love you, Gemma Oaks." He could hear the naked longing in his rusted voice, but he did not spare himself. "I love your strength. I love your healing heart. I comprehend your loneliness. I understand you."

She flinched and stared down at her fisted hands. "What am I supposed to say to that?"

"Nothing." He could not reach out to her, for he knew he had blood on his hands. Now she knew it as well. "I only want you to believe this. Gemma, you can be loved. You are meant to be loved." He stood up, stepping back to allow her some distance. "I want you to be loved, even if it means by someone else — someone more worthy than I."

Then he turned away and headed toward the stable. It was time to hitch up the carriages and take the Worthingtons home to London.

Home.

Lysander felt torn in half, he who had not been whole to begin with. Yet even in his torment over leaving her, he could feel the healing Gemma had begun in him. I am battered, but I am not broken. Not anymore. She restored me.

He only wished that he could have given her something a fraction so valuable.

GEMMA HANDED TINY JASPER Gosling up to his eldest sister where she sat beside Shepherd Gosling on the bench seat of the open farm cart.

"I shall come to check in on him tomorrow, to be sure the sheep's milk agrees with him."