Back Oh, Money! Money!
Chapters (30)
  1. OH, MONEY! MONEY!
  2. *
  3. Contents
  4. *
  5. Chapter I - Exit Mr. Stanley G. Fulton
  6. Chapter II - Enter Mr. John Smith
  7. Chapter III - The Small Boy at the Keyhole
  8. Chapter IV - In Search of Some Dates
  9. Chapter V - In Miss Flora's Album
  10. Chapter VI - Poor Maggie
  11. Chapter VII - Poor Maggie and Some Others
  12. Chapter VIII - A Santa Claus Held Up
  13. Chapter IX - "Dear Cousin Stanley"
  14. Chapter X - What Does it Matter?
  15. Chapter XI - Santa Claus Arrives
  16. Chapter XII - The Toys Rattle Out
  17. Chapter XIII - The Dancing Begins
  18. Chapter XIV - From Me to You with Love
  19. Chapter XV - In Search of Rest
  20. Chapter XVI - The Fly in the Ointment
  21. Chapter XVII - An Ambassador of Cupid's
  22. Chapter XVIII - Just a Matter of Begging
  23. Chapter XIX - Still Other Flies
  24. Chapter XX - Frankenstein: Being a Letter from John Smith to Edward D. Norton, Attorney at Law
  25. Chapter XXI - Sympathies Misplaced
  26. Chapter XXII - With Every Jim a James
  27. Chapter XXIII - Reflections—Mirrored and Otherwise
  28. Chapter XXIV - That Miserable Money
  29. Chapter XXV - Exit Mr. John Smith
  30. Chapter XXVI - Reenter Mr. Stanley G. Fulton

Mr. Smith, in spite of his efforts to be politely deaf and blind, found himself unable to confine his attention to birth, death, and marriage notices. Once he almost uttered an explosive "Good Heavens, how do you stand it?" to his hostess. But he stopped himself just in time, and fiercely wrote with a very black mark that Submit Blaisdell was born in eighteen hundred and one. A little later he became aware that Mr. Duff's attention was frowningly turned across the table toward himself.

"If you will spend your time over such silly stuff, why don't you use a bigger book?" demanded the old man at last.

"Because it wouldn't fit my pocket," smiled Mr. Smith.

Just what business of yours is it, anyhow, when these people lived and died?"

"None, perhaps," still smiled Mr. Smith good humoredly.

"Why don't you let them alone, then? What do you expect to find?"'

"Why, I—I—" Mr. Smith was plainly non-plused.

"Well, I can tell you it's a silly business, whatever you find. If you find your grandfather's a bigger man than you are, you'll be proud of it, but you ought to be ashamed of it—'cause you aren't bigger yourself! On the other hand, if you find he ISN'T as big as you are, you'll be ashamed of that, when you ought to be proud of it—'cause you've gone him one better. But you won't. I know your kind. I've seen you before. But can't you do any work, real work?"

"He is doing work, real work, now, father," interposed Miss Maggie quickly. "He's having a woeful time, too. If you'd only help him, now, and show him those papers."

A real terror came into Mr. Smith's eyes, but Mr. Duff was already on his feet.

"Well, I shan't," he observed tartly. "I'M not a fool, if he is. I'm going out to the porch where I can get some air."

"There, work as long as you like, Mr. Smith. I knew you'd rather work by yourself," nodded Miss Maggie, moving the piles of papers nearer him.

"But, good Heavens, how do you stand—" exploded Mr. Smith before he realized that this time he had really said the words aloud. He blushed a painful red.

Miss Maggie, too, colored. Then, abruptly, she laughed. "After all, it doesn't matter. Why shouldn't I be frank with you? You couldn't help seeing—how things were, of course, and I forgot, for a moment, that you were a stranger. Everybody in Hillerton understands. You see, father is nervous, and not at all well. We have to humor him."

"But do you mean that you always have to tell him to do what you don't want, in order to—well—that is—" Mr. Smith, finding himself in very deep water, blushed again painfully.

Miss Maggie met his dismayed gaze with cheerful candor.