He shrugs. “It’s a good story. It has everything: intrigue, lust, a late-night trip to the emergency room to reattach an appendage . . .”

I rub my temple. “Guys. What do you want to talk to me about?”

“We’re signing Nick up for a dating app,” Shivan says, cutting straight to the point.

“What?” I stand up straight. I suddenly feel like I swallowed one of Gary’s ferrets, like something is twisting and tumbling in my stomach.

“Velez isn’t getting any younger, and he’s always working,” Doug says. “It’s not like he’s gonna meet a new chick at the gym every day like I do.”

Doug misinterprets my stare of confusion as one of interest and points to his legs. “I mean, look at these calves. They scream virility. Ladies cannot resist them.”

“I had the same experience as a young man,” Gary says, sipping his coffee.

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask.

“Because.” There’s no trace of a smile on Shivan’s face. “We don’t want you to miss your chance.”

“My chance to what?” I ask, starting to sweat.

Now Shivan looks at me like I’ve just asked him to wear a shirt that covers his arms. “To date Nick.”

“I don’t want to date him!” I spit out.

“Right,” Doug says slowly. “I saw the way you were looking at him when he was bowling. And I’ve heard him talking about you. You guys have a thing.”

“A real will-they-won’t-they energy,” Gary agrees. I scowl at him.

“And all I’m saying,” Doug continues, “is a guy like that is gonna get snatched up fast on the apps.”

“He has those soulful eyes,” Shivan says.

“And that hair!” Gary shakes his head in amazement. “Gimme a break!”

“Nick will never let you put him on an app,” I say. And he won’t. I know him, and a dating app is his idea of hell.

Doug points to himself. “I can be very persuasive.”

“And also we’re going to do this without his permission, then present him with a veritable buffet of available women.” Shivan pauses. “Maybe I need a less creepy word than buffet.”

“This is just like the Olsen twins movie Billboard Dad,” I whisper, with a little bit of awe even though this sounds like a horrible idea.

“Exactly!” Doug practically leaps out of his seat as he points at Shivan. “He’s never seen it!”

“You’re missing out,” Gary says. “It’s some of their best work.”

Shivan rolls his eyes, then looks at me. “We just want Nick to be happy.”

“Yeah, well, me too,” I say, then glance over my shoulder to see a long line and Tobin moving far too quickly. He’s going to drop something any second now. “I’ve gotta get back. But . . . Nick can date whoever he wants. I’m not in charge of him.”

Doug and Shivan exchange a look, one that I can’t read. “Whatever you say,” Doug says, and I roll my eyes at him before I make my way back to the counter.