It was the week before the fourth-grade Christmas pageant, aka the biggest event on my calendar at the time. Milo wasn’t involved, because even back then he was too cool for earnest performances, but I was an angel narrator who delivered a lengthy speech about the importance of the baby Jesus’s birth. (In retrospect, a public elementary school probably shouldn’t have put on such an explicitly religious production, but what can I say? It was the ’90s in Ohio, and anything went.) Mom was a fantastic seamstress who made most of her own clothing, and she promised to make me a costume that would leave all those donkeys and wise men in the dust, meaning that everyone in the audience would be unable to focus on anything but me, instead of the birth of our Lord and savior. Mom might not have said it that way, but that’s the way I interpreted it.

But then she left with some dude named Phil, and I wasn’t about to bother Dad or Milo by telling them I needed a costume. Dad was shell-shocked, staring at the TV for hours, and Milo was alternating between preteen anger and sobs. The worst part was that online dating as we know it didn’t even exist back then, which meant that her leaving us for a guy she met online was Super Bizarre and basically a schoolwide scandal. Everyone, even my teachers, looked at me with pity.

So I got shit done. I tore the white bedsheets off my bed and, using the most rudimentary of sewing skills, fashioned them into a sort-of-toga, sort-of-angel-robe. I’m not saying it was the best angel costume the elementary school had ever seen, but it worked, and it was the first time I realized two things: I can only count on myself if I want to get something done, and I’m capable of doing pretty much anything.

I’m still smiling and deep-breathing as the door clicks unlocked and I walk through, right to the reception desk where Tracey’s waiting for me.

“Everything’s okay,” she says, hands out to calm me. “But I thought you might want to come see him.”

Tracey covers the front desk at Brookwood Memory Care, but she’s more than any old employee. She’s sort of my ex—we went on a few dates, years ago, before it quickly became apparent that she was looking for a relationship and I was . . . well, not. But we stayed friends, and she was able to get my dad into Brookwood, which is a huge step up from his previous facility.

“What happened?” I ask, tugging on my tangled blond braid. When it comes to my dad, an “episode” can mean almost anything. There was the time he was convinced that the entire facility was being taken over by “the Amish” and wouldn’t stop yelling about it. Or the time he slapped another resident because he was certain he’d broken his television. Or the time he claimed to be “starving,” despite the fact that he’d eaten dinner half an hour before, and went on an hours-long rant about how “this hellhole” wasn’t feeding him.