“My most gracious and kind lord, I was just going to fulfill the other tasks that claim my time with the intention of returning to draft your new boiler design just as soon as I have seen to my lord and lady’s comfort, health, and general well-being.”

“Stay where you are, Batsfoam. Charlotte, I never said—”

“Not to mention my hair. And who will take care of my clothing? I am willing to cooperate to my fullest on many things, Alasdair, but on this I am adamant. I must have a maid!”

“I promised Cook I would assist him with the blacking of the stoves, my august and benevolent lord. And then I must check the coal, see that the beds are turned down and warmed, attend to the doors and windows, bank the fires, polish the silver, clean the knives, check the pantry—”

“If you take one step from this room, Batsfoam, you’ll regret it, so help me God. Now, Charlotte, if you would just listen to me—”

“Your own sister has a maid,” Charlotte said indignantly, poking him in the chest. “A female one, too. You cannot deny me one. Go ahead. Try to deny me a maid. I’ll wager you won’t find yourself with a leg to stand on if you dare try to deny me the simple necessities of life!”

“—and then there’s the stables to be mucked out, the chimney pots to be checked, the privy door to be repaired—”

“CHARLOTTE!” Dare roared.

“WHAT?” she roared back, intent on giving as good as she got.

Dare breathed heavily for a few seconds, his hands fisted at his side, his jaw taut. “I have no intention of denying you a maid. I simply asked why you wanted Wills as your maid. Batsfoam—don’t.” Batsfoam, reading quite accurately the threat in his employer’s eyes, stopped trying to escape and resigned himself to the inevitable.

“I don’t want Wills as a maid!” Charlotte cried. Why had she never noticed that Alasdair was all beauty and no brain? “That’s just the point. I don’t want him as a maid, nor do I want Batsfoam. He is totally unsuitable, Alasdair, and even if you don’t care if another man dresses and undresses me, I do! I won’t have it!” She stamped her foot for good measure.

Dare slowly turned his head from his wife to the butler. “You offered yourself to my lady as her maid?”

A flicker of what might have been guilt was seen for a fleeting moment before Batsfoam’s expression settled into its usual dour lines. “You instructed me to have the staff do as many jobs as possible in the name of economy, my lord. I felt the addition of a maid for the sole use of her ladyship would not be in best keeping with the sacrifices we are all making on your behalf.”

“Her maid, Batsfoam?”

Batsfoam pursed his lips and tried to look contrite. He didn’t succeed particularly well, Charlotte thought.

“Perhaps I did err in my reasoning, but I assure both my lord and my lady that I had only my kind and most generous lord’s goodwill in mind.”