We turn the corner near a cluster of shops selling jade pendants and grilled squid. Then she guides me down a short flight of stairs, through a somewhat sketchy, dimly lit corridor that opens up to the cornflower-blue walls of a makeup studio. It’s instantly familiar to me: the clothing racks bursting with satin and tulle and silk, the vanity mirrors set up in rows of three, the eyebrow pencils and lipstick-smeared cotton swabs lying out on dressing tables, the dolled-up girls assessing their glossy reflections with varying degrees of satisfaction and scrutiny.

“Sit here,” Pei Jie says, pulling me toward the empty table in the middle. She yells something to one of the makeup artists, who’s testing out brushes on her wrist, then pats my shoulder. In the mirror, I lock eyes with Cyrus, who stands patiently off to the side, hands in his pockets. He offers me a small, encouraging smile, like he can detect the shakiness spreading through my muscles, and I breathe in. Remind myself that it won’t be the same as last time. If I need to, I can always leave.

“Have you ever tried on traditional clothing before?” Pei Jie asks. “I think it would look incredible on you; your features are so well suited for it.”

I don’t know how to answer her, if what I had worn for that awful photo shoot would even count. The memory rattles against the back of my skull like a monster in a closet, flashes of white-hot lights and bloodred tassels, the sick feeling pooling in my stomach. I draw in another tight breath. Shake my head.

“Well, now is the perfect chance.” Pei Jie waves at another woman and points to an elaborate set of scarlet-and-gold robes hanging over the dressing room door. “Prepare to be amazed,” she says.

* * *

Shortly after I made up my mind to turn pretty, I fell down the rabbit hole of makeover videos.

It was the closest thing to love at first sight I’ve ever experienced. I would sit cross-legged in my bedroom, the stuffed orange giraffe my mom had brought back from a business trip for me squashed against my stomach, and watch every makeover video I could find on the internet. I wasn’t just obsessed with seeing the results, which filled me with the same sense of wonder and awe as pulling back the window shades just in time to catch a brilliant sunset, but the process itself. How a few swipes of mascara, a flattering dress, and some nice hair extensions could transform a person into a completely new version of themselves. The girls were already beautiful at the start, but by the end of the video, you could tell that they felt it too.