One morning an envelope with Princeton letterhead appeared, earlier than I’d imagined it would, beneath my door. Opening the letter I found that not only had I been accepted, I was being considered for a really good grant. Instead of making me happy, the news increased the weight pressing on my shoulders. I quickly got dressed and brought the letter to my advisor’s cubicle to show her. Marisa was surprised by my appearance.

“Look at those bags under your eyes,” she said, laughing. “You received a letter from Princeton, not a death sentence.”

I told her what was going on. She listened to my reasoning and sobbing without saying a word and, once I’d stopped talking, recommended that I take all the time I needed before deciding what to do.

“Move forward with the formal procedure, take care of the requirements, and maybe things will be more clear as the date approaches. It’s no easy thing to make this kind of decision,” she added respectfully, though I knew perfectly well what deep down she expected me to do. Before I left her office she handed me a piece of paper with her gynecologist’s information.

“Should you decide, call his cell phone and tell him I sent you.”

After that everything sped up. If in the previous two weeks Greta and I were on the same lethargic rhythm, going from the bed to the couch and back, from then on we began to move around in different directions at different speeds. While Greta walked cautiously and ran to hide every time the phone or doorbell rang, enjoying her pregnancy and the intoxicating effect of the hormones, I battled with my own symptoms, investing all my energy in collecting signatures and visiting professors who could help me. I’d make Greta a rich meal and then as soon as I walked out of the kitchen I’d search the Internet for articles and all the information I could find on abortion, which was still illegal in that city in those days. I read testimonials, I researched the different ways to perform one, from the morning-after pill—not a viable option at my late stage—to homemade teas, suction, scraping.