“I didn’t mess him up too bad?”

“Chad’s a normal kid going through a tough situation. From what I’ve seen so far, you’re doing a great job so don’t beat yourself up.”

“Okay, okay—so when are you coming back?”

“Let’s give it a few days so Chad doesn’t feel overwhelmed.”

“Like everyone shrinky-dinkying him to the point where he wants to upchuck.”

“You do have a way with words,” I said.

“Actually, words were never my thing, Doc. I flunked English in high school. Along with a whole lot of other stuff. Being stoned all the time and never studying ain’t the pathway to academic stardom.”

“But it sure was fun at the time.”

She laughed. “It’s more than the training, isn’t it? Send some asshole to shrink school, you end up with an educated asshole. Which, now that I think about it, sounds like a good title for a porno. Analyst Anal Adventures: Educating Ruby’s Ruby Asshole.”

I said, “In terms of Chad’s next appointment—”

“Stop being inappropriate, Gretchen. I may be a compassionate therapist but my patience isn’t endless.”

I named a day.

She said, “Okay, okay, okay, fine. Bunny may be here, it’s about time for her next nosy-pants visit. She’s decided she needs to be my early-stage hospice provider, even though I keep telling her I’m fine.”

“But you don’t stop her from coming.”

“Right now,” she said, “she’s the only person who loves me.”

“Not counting Chad.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m talking someone who can actually help me. With the nasty stuff, the disgusting stuff. ’Cause eventually, they tell me it’s going to get gross.” Her voice caught. “You should probably meet her, anyway. Seeing as she’ll be taking over.”

“Sure.”

“You’re a peach,” she said. “I’m even starting to think you might be for real—sorry, I need to control that evil mouth, there are nice people out there, I just never met them.” Shrill laughter. “Me, me, me—okay, here’s something about you: As a token of my appreciation, I’m going to pay you a bonus.”

“Out of the question, Gretch—”

“Hold on, before you brush me off, smart guy, I’m not talking money. What I’m going to give you is better. Information. As in for Sturgis with his current case, the one that was on the news this morning.”

I didn’t speak.

She said, “Aha, now I’ve got his attention! Okay, here’s the deal: I was waiting to see how you did with Chad today so I’d know whether or not you deserved another—a special treat. And guess what: You passed the test.”

“Gretchen, if you’ve got information for Lieutenant Sturgis, you need to tell him directly.”

“You’re not pals anymore?”

“Bartering is unethical.”