“He… he’s leaving?” Elinor gasped, clutching at her shawl in distress.

Her father nodded moodily. “He said the roads were in much better condition, though I don’t know where he got that information, and said he felt he ought to make an earlier start.”

No… No, he couldn’t…

Elinor stood there for a moment, frozen in shock, and then, without a word to her father, she tore from the room at a sprint.

All was prepared now, and he just had to mount the horse and ride away.

It was safer to take the horse than attempt the roads with the carriage again. He had given Mr. Asheley the impression that the roads were much clearer, but, in all truth, he was just desperate to leave.

Elinor wanted him to leave.

How had a place that had filled him with so much hope so recently filled him with equal despair? If not more despair, given his current state.

He rubbed the nose of the horse he was borrowing, clicking softly as the animal panted in the cold morning, its breath creating clouds of fog spiraling into the sky.

“Easy, lad,” he murmured, smiling without emotion. “It’s only a quick ride. We’ll meet up with the coach as soon as the roads are clear enough, and then you’ll have a warm stable until the groom can fetch you back.”

The horse snuffled in response, nudging against his hand.

Hugh chuckled and scratched the horse fondly. “You’ll take me for quite the ride, yes? We might race a bit, if the path is clear enough.”

There was no response to that, and Hugh patted the horse again before moving to adjust the saddle and see to the few belongings he was bringing with him.

He paused, breathing slowly as he truly considered leaving Deilingh.

Leaving Elinor.

The change in her had broken him. If she could change her mind about him, so would everyone else. He would have no hope of true reconciliation, as everyone would suspect his claims to be feeble, and that his true nature was the one he had previously shown.

His family would welcome him back, of that he was certain, but beyond them, he had no confidence. What if his letters of apology were refuted by those he had sent them to? What if his redemption was not complete, and he had more to atone for?

He would make amends with his family, and then he would retreat again. Reduce himself into obscurity until he felt himself changed enough to venture out once more. Until he could be believed, in all sincerity.

Until his change was genuine.

The devil of it was, he’d thought it was.

Until Elinor.

The woman he loved did not believe him. Did not believe in him.

Did not see the man he was now as different from the man he had been.

What was the point of anything if that was true?