I couldn’t swallow. But I had to speak. “Don’t do it again. It won’t get better or easier. I think the movies and the books all lie.”

Marshall gave me a short, proud nod. I was saying good, right things. The best things, his eyes were telling me.

She said, “You know the strangest part? It wasn’t until after that I realized those letters were his name. Gee-Off. It’s a way to spell Jeff. I saw it spelled that way in a Agatha Christie book. I like those British mysteries where everyone’s so calm. Cozies, they call them. But I never knew how to say it until I saw it spelled out on Gee-Off’s backpack.”

“Please,” I said. I couldn’t help myself. “Please don’t do that to Robert.”

Marshall’s eyes flashed a warning. I nodded. Tried to calm myself.

“Well,” she said, a noncommittal sound. “I don’t want to. But I have to finish this. I don’t have a lot of time, you understand. I’d told myself that the minute Spence was gone, I’d finish. But I never did give your boy the Benadryl. I think I already knew it would be hard to do again.”

My eyes closed. “You don’t have to. Let’s think of something else, together.”

“I’m past that. I already did my thinking. On and off while I was dozing in this chair all night. I wanted to keep your boy in my lap in case you had called the police. But I wouldn’t have slept any better in a bed. I’m sick. My body hurts. Anyhow, I found us a third way.”

My heart leaped in my chest, and Marshall leaned closer, intense. “Then tell me.” I sounded eager now. Whatever she wanted from me, it felt already done.