I did not understand beauty or majesty, but I did understand shame and regret. This should have been my world. I should have been human. I should have been born of woman, lived, died, and returned with honor. I should have been part of The Plan. Only I had thrown that away by making war against my brothers. The constant anger I had felt toward both the loyal and the rebellious was replaced with self-loathing. There was no one to blame except myself.

Now my brief mortality would end. I would die in the mud and my spirit would be cast back to Hell as I deserved.

So I lay there, dying, watching the sunrise over a world that had been meant for me, if only I had not been so filled with pride . . . For the first time I understood why I deserved the Creator’s punishment. This had been intended for me, but I had thrown it away. If I could do it over again I would have.

It turns out you need to have a heart for it to break. I did not understand the feeling. For the first time I was truly . . . sorry.

That was when I heard the voice.

I will not repeat what the messenger said to me as I lay there dying in the mud. Those words are not mine to repeat. I am not worthy.

That’s right . . . Classified. Back off.

Basically . . .

Hmm. . . .

Well . . . He made me an offer.

He knew I was not like the other Fallen. I had no desire to break The Plan. I did not want power or glory. I was strong enough to find a way into the mortal world. Though I was no longer compelled to do evil, I would never understand good. Though I would forever be incapable of love, or mercy, or kindness, or the other important lessons within The Plan, I had been one of the greatest warriors of the host, so my talents would not be wasted. I was ambivalent toward the children of men, but most of the other things who would find a way into this mortal world—whether they were outcasts from the world before or invaders from worlds outside—would come here to do harm.

The Deal He offered was simple. I would be allowed to keep the mortal shell I had stolen, but only if I used it as a weapon against the invaders. They would fight me. Someday my body would be ultimately destroyed, and then my accomplishments would be measured against my sins. At times I would be given orders that had to be obeyed without question. Regardless, I would never be worthy to return to glory. There would be no atonement for one of my kind. That was impossible. There could never be a heaven for me . . . But in the meantime I could avoid Hell.

That was good enough.

I accepted.

Have I kept The Deal since?

Hmmm . . .

Mostly.

3 Days Ago