That was just one of the many people whose lives were screwed up because of me. The list was a long one. Lee’s leg had been ruined, but how many Hunters had died that day at DeSoya Caverns because I hadn’t been strong enough to take out Lord Machado faster? I was here searching for my brother, his talent had been extinguished, his soul had been cut up along with his fingers, and that had been my fault too. I was never good enough. I never had been, and never would be. Edward was probably dead now too, just bones stuck in the dragon’s teeth.

The fog was crawling up the walls.

The Hunters that had been holding out at the Last Dragon were surely dead. There was no way the Nachtmar let that hotel back into this world if they were still alive. They were either dead, or worse, locked up in the dream world to be endlessly tortured, while the Nachtmar wrung every last bit of terror he could out of their minds.

They’re fine.

No. They’re not. They’re all dead. Lacoco and VanZant were dead too. A couple of minutes after I learned that I’d been just as awful a force in Jason’s life as everyone else I’d ever known, I’d abandoned him to die, ripped to bits by a flock of gargoyles.

I didn’t have a choice. If I didn’t reach the Nachtmar, everyone would have died. If the Hind had been crippled—

No. I could have gone back. I could have reached him. I could have gotten those other Hunters onto the helicopter. I was a hypocrite. I had tried to drown Grant Jefferson for abandoning me to monsters once, but I had done the exact same thing, only worse, because I’d done it to several Hunters. I hadn’t left to fight the Nachtmar. I had fled out of cowardice.

That’s not right. I’m forgetting something.

As I looked back over my life, all I could see was a long parade of failures. Even my successes were only postponing the inevitable. I’d defeated the Old Ones’ invasion. So what? They’d be back. Their victory was inevitable. All I’d done was use my finger to plug one hole of a leaking dam, only the whole thing was cracking and falling apart, and when it collapsed it would wash away the whole world. What was the point?