I quickly retrieved my earbuds out of my pocket and turned on my music. It helped drown out my thoughts but didn’t seem to calm my heart.

When I finally made it to his office, I was convinced I was going to die of a heart attack. I knocked on the glass. He looked up from his desk and waved me in. His face was stone, like always, giving away nothing.

He pointed to the chair in front of his desk.

I didn’t want to sit. If I sat, he would talk.

I sat. Coach was tall, really tall. And sitting in front of him like this made him seem even taller.

He gestured to his ears.

Oh. My music.

I yanked on the cord and the earbuds fell to my lap, leaving a ringing buzz in their place.

“Good afternoon,” he said. “I haven’t seen you out at the pool lately.”

“I’ve been busy. I’m starting club swim next week, though. I’m committed.”

He smiled. “I know.” He turned on his spinning chair to the cabinet behind him and picked up a padded orange envelope, bringing it back to the desk between us. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“I know I can be annoying. I’ll work on that.”

“Hadley. Do you think you’re in trouble?”

“I don’t know.”

He laughed. “You’re not in trouble. Relax.”

He said it, but I couldn’t force myself to do it. He opened the envelope and pulled out a plaque. The outline of a swimmer was etched into the wood and below the swimmer was a gold square. Something was etched there as well but I couldn’t make it out. He slid the plaque across the desk until it rested in front of me.

“Congratulations.”

“What is it?”

“I know you couldn’t make it to the awards banquet because of the event for your brother, so you get it today.”

“I won an award? For what?”

“For being annoying,” he said.

“What?”

“A joke. It’s for being my most dedicated swimmer on the team. You ready to swim four races next year?”

“Really?”

“Really.”

My heart wasn’t going to survive the workout I was putting it through today. “Thank you!”

“Thank you. I mean it. Like I told the team at the ceremony the other night, you are what commitment looks like. I’m proud of you. I wish you could’ve been there to get recognized in front of everyone, but I understand.”

“Amelia didn’t tell me about this.”

“I asked the team not to tell you. I wanted to be the first.”

I gripped the plaque, staring at the words etched into the gold: Coach’s Award. Dedication and Commitment. Hadley Moore. “I wish my mom knew I was winning an award. Then we would’ve been there for sure.”

“I talked to your mom.”