‘Old misery!’ she whispered. ‘I planned this all along! You’ll see.’

I put my weight on the ladder to hold it steady for her and I waited until I could feel she had stepped from the ladder to the pedestal. I did not look up. I never looked up. I left the ring with my head up and my bright meaningless smile stuck on my face, and my eyes down, and I pulled the door shut behind me and leaned my forehead against the hard wooden planks and listened, as I always listened. So that I should hear the gasp of the crowd when one of them was stretching across to Jack, and then the roar when they were back on the pedestal. So that I should know that Dandy was safe.

I was so bone-weary I nearly dozed, standing upright, keeping my vigil for my sister with my face pressed against the rough wood plank. I heard the excited applause as they watched Jack on his pedestal vault up into a handstand, and the sudden rush of clapping when he swung right over to be standing upright again. Then there was the rustle of delicious apprehension as they watched Jack strap himself into his belt, and shuffle his feet on the blocks. They saw him rub his hands together – as he always did – and then reach purposefully out.

That would make them look to the right, where the girls were, and then I heard the great ‘oooh’ as Katie took hold of the trapeze and stepped out into space. She always went across first, I knew. I heard the audience hold their breath and Jack’s, ‘Pret!’ was as clear as if I were in the front row. I pressed my palms flat against the door. The sense of sinking into the darkness was so strong that I could scarcely keep from slumping against the door and letting it wash over me. I felt someone beside me, and glanced quickly to one side. It was Rea.

‘You all right?’ he asked.

Inside the barn Jack yelled, ‘Hup!’ and there was a muted scream from the crowd as Katie swung her legs forward. I heard the smack as Jack caught her ankles and then the cry from the crowd as he swung her towards the back wall, and then twisted her around so she turned and caught the swinging bar, and then their burst of cheering when she reached the pedestal and turned and held up her hand and smiled.

I nodded at Rea’s worried face. He seemed to be wavering, the whole world around me seemed to be melting and undulating.

‘You’re sweating and shivering,’ he said. ‘And you look awful white. Are you ill, Meridon?’