“The resulting question that everybody always wants to know the answer to: Does this species, which has since become known as merfolk, look at all like humans? What I can tell you from the literature I have studied is that it certainly resembles us, sharing characteristics such as large foreheads, binocular vision, protruding noses, and out-turned lips. It has long been my belief that the large foreheads are not only indicative of a well-developed cerebrum, but necessary to conduct the physiological process for locating distant or invisible objects in the oceans. This is called echolocation, which can be found in most species of dolphins and toothed whales—”

“Cut! Cut! Cut!” Fat Mike said, lifting off his baseball cap and scratching his head with sausage-like fingers. “Echolocation, Double M? What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

“Merfolk are presumably a social species like us, and thus echolocation would be necessary for social communication underwater. This would require a bulbous forehead to house the mass of adipose tissue known as the melon—”

“The melon?” Fat Mike shook his head. “No, doc, sorry. Can’t have you talkin’ about fuckin’ melons. You saw the video footage. That thing that washed up on the beach didn’t have a fuckin’ melon in its fuckin’ forehead. Its forehead looked just like yours or mine.”

“We don’t know that for sure, Mike. The shot of the merfolk’s face was not particularly clear, and its hair obscured much of its forehead.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I just don’t know how well shite like echolocation and melons are gonna go over with the audience.”

“We have authentic footage, Mike. We don’t need to sell the public on anything.”

“I hear ya, mate. I do. And although we have authentic footage, there are still gonna be the doubters. So I don’t want to get too carried away here. Tell you what, let’s sit on the echolocation talk for now. Can you explain the blue skin?”

Marty shrugged. “Could be a form of camouflage. Makes it more difficult for predators to see them from below when they’re swimming near the surface?”

“Fuck yeah! See, that’s what you should be talkin’ about. Easily digestible stuff. Stuff people don’t have to think too hard about. What about their eyes? Why do they have yellow eyes?”

“I don’t know why they have yellow eyes, Mike.”

“What about their hair then? That merfolk had a mane on it to rival a bloody lion’s.”

“I don’t know why they have hair either. I always hypothesized that they were bald-pated.”

“Well, fuck, Double M!” Fat Mike exclaimed. “This is the kind of stuff you need to have answers for. It’s what the audience is gonna want to know. It’s what’s gonna make them believe. Make shite up if you have to. Just don’t go overboard. No echolocation, no telekinesis, none of that sci-fi shtick. Stick to the basics, keep it real, keep it sexy, and she’ll be apples.” He glanced at his diamond-encrusted Rolex. “Okay, gotta call it a wrap for today. Have another watch of the footage tonight, mate. Have a good think about explanations for things people want to know. The color of its eyes, its hair—even how it takes a fuckin’ crap. And I’ll see everyone back here bright-eyed and bushy-tailed first thing tomorrow mornin’.”