And then I moved back here to run the diner, knowing I’d have to sacrifice that piece of myself. Though, at the time, sex and dating were the last things on my mind. I was upset about losing my grandfather and focused on not tanking the business he put his whole life into. It wasn’t until quite a few years later that putting myself back in the closet started to feel like a sacrifice. But by then, it seemed almost too late to come out to my dad.

Or I was still just a coward.

Still am.

Brenden’s waiting for more, so I tell him, “It’s not some tragedy. Sometimes I still wonder how my dad would take it, if he’d surprise me. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m not interested in dating anyone anyway. And he doesn’t need to know who I have sex with if it’s just sex.”

His cheeks darken again. I didn’t say anything scandalous, but I know I’ve never talked about my sex life with him before. Whereas he doesn’t hold back in either gushing or whining to me about the guys he dates.

His relationships never manage to last long though. Right when he seems to be getting serious with someone, it falls apart. And I can’t for the life of me figure out why. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be with this man?

Since nobody seems to appreciate him the way he should be appreciated, maybe he’d be better off giving up on dating and simply enjoying the hookup thing like I do.

As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I almost growl. I don’t want to picture a bunch of random, undeserving men getting their hands all over him.

He pushes his empty plate away, making me realize I’ve barely touched my pizza. But I’m not hungry. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” he says. “The uh, sex thing. But also not wanting to come out. Like I said, there’s no rule that you have to.” He pauses, twirling the edge of his beer bottle on the table. “For what it’s worth, though, I don’t think a crappy, ignorant comment your dad made that long ago necessarily has any bearing on how he would feel or what he would say now. If you did tell him.”

“Believe me, I’ve considered that. But I’m pretty comfortable with my life. And what he doesn’t know about me can’t hurt him.” And what I don’t know about him can’t hurt me. The last thing I want is confirmation that he’s not the kind of guy I hope he is.

Brenden reaches out and wraps his hand over mine where I’ve got my bottle in an iron grip. Okay, this is new. His warm touch encourages my muscles to loosen.

“I’m not judging your choice. And I know you don’t normally do feelings and stuff, so I’m gonna drop it. But you said we could talk about you pretending to be my boyfriend, and I don’t see how that’s possible if you’re in the closet.”