About the Author

Calum McSwiggan is an author, journalist and LGBT+ advocate. He’s worked for Attitude magazine, written for Metro, Gay Times and the Independent, and was recently placed in the Guardian’s list of the fifty most influential LGBT+ figures in the UK. Putting LGBT+ stories at the heart of everything he does, he’s produced award-winning films, presented radio, and racked up millions of views on his online videos.

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Title Page

1

‘Prom night, baby!’

Chase startles me awake by hitting me squarely in the face with a pillow. I squint up at him through tired eyes and can see him grinning from ear to ear. ‘Come on, day’s a-wasting!’ he says cheerily, grabbing my arms and tugging on them. He’s been my own personal alarm clock ever since we started sharing a room.

‘Seriously, Zach, how can you lie in on a day like today? You slept right through breakfast!’

‘Why, what time is it?’ I groan, pulling my hands free and rubbing my eyes. I feel especially groggy today, like I’ve barely even slept.

‘Eleven fifty-nine,’ Chase says, as the details of our dorm room slowly come into focus. He’s wearing a backwards blue baseball cap, tufts of his soft black hair poking through it, and an extra-large Miami Dolphins shirt that completely swamps him.

‘You can’t sleep all day, Zach. Come on. You’re missing it! The rugby team are outside doing naked laps!’

‘They’re doing what?’ I say, suddenly more awake.

‘Naked laps!’ he repeats as I jump up and rush to the window.

‘They are not,’ I say, spotting them throwing a ball around, very much fully clothed.

‘Well, it got you out of bed, didn’t it? Honestly, Zach, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you move so fast. You say you’re not athletic? We could get you running in the Olympics if we just stacked the finish line with guys in their underwear.’

I laugh at that. I’d like to say I’m not so shallow, and yet here I am, leaping out of bed at just the suggestion of a hint of nudity. It’s been a long year, OK? And all quiet on the romance front. I feel betrayed by all the movies that convinced me private school would be inherently debaucherous. I was led to believe I’d be fighting off boys with a stick. In reality? Sometimes we stay up late reading queer manga. That’s about as debaucherous as it gets.

I push open the creaky old window, and the smell of summer fills the room. We’re up on the sixth floor, in the east wing of the building, sitting atop a hill with nothing but woodland surrounding us. With just one road in and out, it’s easy to forget that the outside world exists. For two years now, there’s been this and only this. Oakbrook Academy. It really does feel surprisingly like home.

‘I can’t believe we’re about to leave it all behind,’ I say. ‘This time tomorrow we’ll be saying our final goodbyes.’

‘Yeah,’ Chase says, a little softer now. I can tell he’s been thinking about it too. ‘What will you miss the most? Besides me, of course. Obviously you’re gonna be inconsolable when we say our goodbyes. I’ve got tissues ready and everything.’

‘I’ll be weeping for weeks,’ I tease, though secretly I know that will, in fact, probably be the case. Growing up as an only child, sharing a room here took a lot of getting used to, but now I can’t imagine waking up without Chase. ‘I’ll definitely miss our movie nights,’ I finally settle on. ‘I’ll have to find someone new to educate on quality cinema.’

‘Quality cinema?’ He raises an eyebrow. ‘If I recall correctly, I’m pretty sure you said that Ratatouille is the best film ever made.’

‘That’s because it is the best film ever made,’ I say. ‘It’s got romance, drama, an incredible score! And don’t even get me started on the subtext!’

‘I can’t get you to stop on the subtext, Zach. You’ve spoken at length about the subtext. The subtext surrounding a talking mouse –’

‘He’s a rat! We’ve been through this! It’s literally called RATatouille!’

‘Mouse, rat, whatever.’ Chase laughs. ‘It’s still a three out of ten at absolute best.’

‘You’re a three out of ten at absolute best,’ I say. ‘You know, I seriously can’t wait to get to film school and be surrounded by people that actually understand me.’

‘Or ridicule you for describing A Bug’s Life as an “emotional masterpiece”?’

‘It is an emotional masterpiece!’

‘If you say so,’ he replies, further mussing up my bed-head. ‘But what else will you miss? Come on, besides movie nights?’

‘Well …’ My gaze drifts back towards the rugby team. One member of the team in particular. ‘I suppose I am gonna miss seeing Cameron in his kit …’

‘Or without his kit …’ Chase adds as one of the boys slowly peels his shirt off, his body glistening in the morning sun.

‘That’s not even Cameron.’ I laugh. ‘That’s Ethan. You still can’t tell them apart?’

‘I really can’t.’ He looks back and forth between the twins.

In fairness, they do play up to the identical-twin thing. They style themselves with the same soft boy-band look. All dimples and cheekbones and sleek black hair that falls down in nineties curtains. But Cameron has this aura about him. It’s unfathomable to me that people can’t spot him a mile off. It’s like he actually glows.

‘It’s so easy to tell them apart!’ I say. ‘Ethan is such a straight boy!’

‘It’s not like Cameron has a rainbow flag printed on his forehead.’

‘Yeah, but he has this, like … gay energy about him!’

‘Gay energy?’ Chase squints at me. ‘You know, I saw this TikTok that said if one twin is queer there’s, like, a seventy per cent chance the other will be as well?’

‘So you’re saying Ethan’s a secret closet case? Don’t let Tiffany hear you. She hates you enough without you implying her boyfriend’s a secret homo.’

‘I’m not implying anything,’ he says with a smile of pure innocence. ‘I’m just pointing out the statistical probability. We Asians are really good with numbers, remember?’

I laugh. ‘I still can’t believe she said that.’

‘Or that she thought it was a compliment.’

‘You should have reported her for racism,’ I say. ‘Zero tolerance, remember?’

Chase shrugs his shoulders. ‘Since when do any of the rules apply to her?’

Tiffany and Chase have a long-standing rivalry. They played a lot of sport together before he transitioned, and he beat her at absolutely everything. She always disliked him for that, but then he came out and started playing with the boys, and was no longer competition. You’d have thought that would have been the end of it, but somehow it only seemed to exacerbate her hatred. At first I thought it was a classic case of deep-rooted transphobia, but now I think it’s something else. Like she always thought she’d eventually beat him, and now she’s furious she’ll never get the chance.

‘Anyway,’ I say, watching as Cameron finally peels his own shirt off and throws it into the pile with the others, ‘Cameron is clearly the better-looking one.’

‘The clue’s in the name, Zach – identical twins.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ I laugh as I go to grab my phone from the bedside table.

I see there’s a message from Bec, our mutual best friend. She’s written HAPPY PROM! into the group chat with a long string of suggestive emojis. She’s clearly got only one thing on her mind for this evening. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about that too.

‘Take a look,’ I say. ‘Cameron’s way hotter.’

I zoom in on their ‘twinstagram’ – a joint account that’s racked up well over sixty thousand followers. Admittedly I probably spend far too much time looking at these pictures.

‘Do you see? He has softer features, styles his hair better, and he has that adorable little love-heart-shaped birthmark.’

‘What birthmark?’ Chase snatches the phone and squints at it. ‘That tiny thing underneath his eye? It looks more like a pimple.’

I snatch the phone back. ‘It’s a love heart,’ I say firmly.

‘All right, it’s a love heart …’ He holds his hands up defensively.

‘Besides,’ I say, ‘it’s his personality that makes the real difference.’

‘Yeah,’ Chase drawls. ‘I’m sure it’s his personality you’re thinking about under the covers at three a.m ….’

I’m sure I don’t know what he’s talking about.

‘I’m serious!’ I say, looking at a picture of the two of them in their burgundy school blazers. They’re standing outside the main entrance, the castle-like structure towering behind them. Ethan is clenching his jaw, smouldering, while Cameron is cheesing with this big dorky grin. ‘Cameron isn’t afraid of what others think of him. But Ethan? He’s just so …’

‘Arrogant? Pretentious? Deeply unlikeable?’

‘I was about to say “insecure”.’ I laugh. ‘But whatever. He just doesn’t have that … something. That special spark that Cameron does.’

‘Oddly romantic,’ Chase says. ‘You really should make a move, you know. You’ve mooned over him from afar for two years. Now here we are on the last day of school. With a masquerade-themed prom ahead of us! It’s begging for a little romance, Zach.’

‘I know.’ I let out a long-drawn-out sigh as I hear Cameron laughing with one of his teammates. How is it possible that one boy can be so perfect? ‘I want to make a move. Like I really want to. But look at him. He could have literally anyone he wants.’

‘Yeah, I hear he’s got both Kit Connor and Joe Locke sliding into his DMs.’

‘I wouldn’t be surprised!’ I’m already conjuring up images of that episode of Heartstopper. But it would never happen. Putting so many cute boys in one place is against the laws of physics. I’m pretty sure the universe would fold in on itself.

‘I know you think he’s on this whole other level, Zach, but he’s single and not dating anyone. Sure, he’s hot, but you know that under the flawless skin he’s no different to the rest of us, right? I’m sure he wants his prom-night kiss just like everyone else.’

‘Everyone else?’ I say. ‘But what about you? You don’t want that. What happened to “no boys till university”?’

Chase flaps me away. ‘That’s because I’m not ready yet. It’s different. You know, I often wish I had some trans friends to talk about this stuff with? I love you, Zach, but sometimes it’s like you really don’t get it.’

‘No,’ I say, ‘I get it. I understand why you’re not ready. I just think maybe Cameron has his own reasons too? Maybe he’s not ready yet either?’

‘Or maybe you’re making up excuses.’

‘Maybe,’ I say, going back to look at Cameron from the window.

I know Chase is right, but he’s making it sound way easier than it actually is. It’s not like I can just walk up to Cameron and tell him I like him!

Chase sighs. ‘Think about every single one of those awful high-school movies you made me sit through. Tonight is going to be a checklist of those classic prom-night moments. Someone will spike the punchbowl, someone’s gonna give an unexpected speech and, most importantly, the underdog is finally going to wind up kissing their crush. It’ll be wall-to-wall joy, sex and underage drinking –’

‘Except I’m the only one who hasn’t yet turned eighteen.’

‘Then you’ll have to do enough underage drinking for the rest of us, won’t you?’

I groan at the thought. Every time I drink anything alcoholic, I just end up saying something stupid. Last time we smuggled in a few beers, I got a telling-off from Bec. Being a gay man doesn’t excuse misogyny, she texted me the next day. I apologized profusely, but the worst part is that I don’t even remember what I said.

‘Go long!’ Ethan yells, tossing the ball. Cameron sprints after it. He’s so focused on catching it that he doesn’t spot how close they are to the car belonging to Mr Harrington, our miserable headmaster.

‘Fuck!’

The car alarm cuts through the air, and the boys all scatter.

‘See?’ Chase says. ‘You put him on a pedestal, but he’s just as clumsy and flawed as the rest of us. Honestly, I’m surprised that team even made it to regionals. They have the coordination of a bunch of drunken toddlers. No wonder they didn’t bring back the trophy.’

‘And that’s exactly why you should’ve joined the team. They need some brains to go with all that brawn.’

‘Are you saying I’m not brawny?’ Chase flexes his arms and pretends to be offended. ‘Besides, as I’ve told you a thousand times, I have literally no interest in rugby.’

‘And yet you’re wearing a rugby shirt …’

‘This is American football. It’s completely and totally different.’

‘It’s basically the same sport but with armour.’

‘It. Is. Not,’ Chase growls. ‘You know, every time I start to think I’m gonna miss you, you reassert your status as an absolute dickhead.’

‘And that’s exactly why you love me,’ I grin just as his phone starts blowing up with a million notifications. ‘Someone’s popular …’

‘It’s the results!’ he says excitedly, his eyes scanning the screen. ‘Most likely to be famous. Best dressed. Class clown.’

It’s the categories from the unofficial leavers’ poll.

‘Hottest boy.’ He nudges me. ‘Want to see how you scored?’

‘I already know how I scored. Zachary Evans – zero votes. Honestly, who thought this was a good idea anyway? As if we’re not already dripping in insecurity …’

‘Speak for yourself,’ he says. ‘It’s just a bit of fun, Zach.’

‘Fine,’ I say. ‘Hand it over then.’

Chase passes me his phone, and I scan the results. It’s essentially a long list of everything that’s wrong with this school. A hierarchy based on money and popularity and little else.

‘Hottest boy – Rhys Kingsland.’ My eyes roll so far back they almost come full circle. ‘Why am I not surprised?’

‘He is hot, Zach! You can keep saying you don’t see it, but the boy is practically a supermodel. Those biceps … those dimples.’

‘You mean the ones his parents paid for?’

‘Unsubstantiated gossip,’ Chase snaps. ‘I thought you were better than that. Besides, who cares? You know I’ll be paying for a lot more than cheekbones, right? If a person has the means to make themselves happier in their body, why shouldn’t they?’

‘I guess so,’ I say, continuing to scroll. ‘Well, this is clearly rigged. Tiffany has won everything. Most popular. Hottest girl. Most likely to become prime minister …’

Chase snorts at that, taking the phone back with a look of pure disbelief. ‘These votes don’t even add up. Bec got forty-nine votes for hottest girl. Tiffany got fifty-one. That’s a hundred votes, Zach. There’s not even that many students in our year! She probably made a bunch of fake accounts just to vote for herself.’

‘Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Cheating is sort of her MO. I’m just shocked she went to all this effort for an unofficial student poll! It’s not like any of this actually matters.’

‘I’m half tempted to hack in and fix it.’

‘Could you actually do that?’ My ears prick up.

‘Course,’ Chase says. ‘The coding behind this thing is basic.’

‘Then why don’t you?’ I say, devil horns practically sprouting from my head.

‘You know I don’t like cheating, Zach.’

‘It’s not cheating if the whole thing is already rigged. You’re just … putting the universe back how it should be. Besides, it’s the last day. What are they gonna do?’

Chase looks at me for a moment as he thinks about it. ‘Fine,’ he finally says with a grin, opening his laptop. He clicks around for a minute or two, his face deep in concentration. He says it’s ‘basic’, but watching him do stuff like this will never cease to amaze me. He says writing code is no different to writing a story, but all I see is numbers and gibberish.

‘OK,’ he says after no time at all. ‘We’re in.’

‘Just like that? You’re a criminal mastermind!’

‘It’s not like I’m hacking into the Pentagon,’ he says. ‘So what are we changing?’

‘Hmm.’ I scroll through the results on my phone. ‘Most likely to win gold at the Olympics. That should quite obviously have gone to you!’

‘Nah,’ he says. ‘My future is right here at the keyboard. Let’s give it to Bec. She’s the one who’s actually got a shot at a career in this.’ His tongue sticks out as he concentrates. ‘Bec for hottest girl too, right?’

‘Obviously.’ I refresh the page to see the results changing in real time.

It’s incredible to watch. He could probably have hacked into the school system and given us all perfect grades if he wasn’t so honest. Humanity would do well not to piss him off and create the next supervillain. The world should be grateful he insists on using his powers for good.

‘I’ll let Tiffany keep Most popular,’ he finally says as he finishes knocking her out of every other category. ‘Just so she doesn’t have a meltdown.’

‘Generous,’ I say. ‘Though she’s gonna have a meltdown regardless. God forbid she doesn’t win absolutely everything.’

Chase gives me a satisfied smile and goes to close his laptop.

‘Wait,’ I say. ‘Do you think you could change one last thing?’

‘You want Cameron for hottest boy, don’t you?’

‘He deserves it! Rhys already gets everything.’

‘But I think Rhys won this one fair and square. We’re not snatching that away from him just because you disagree with the result.’

I groan. ‘I just hate how everyone is so obsessed with him. If I hear about his dancing pecs one more time! I get it – we love masculinity. It’s the holy grail of attractiveness. But can we just have a little bit more love for the feminine boys?’

‘And by “feminine boys” you mean Cameron?’ Chase raises an eyebrow. ‘Need I remind you that he and his brother have over sixty thousand followers? That sounds like plenty of love to me.’

‘Rhys would probably have double that if he wasn’t so bad at social media.’ I snort. ‘The other day he posted a picture of the toilet, Chase. The toilet.’

Chase laughs at that. ‘Do you know what I think, Zach?’

‘I have a feeling I’m not gonna like it …’

‘I think maybe – just maybe – you’re a teeny-tiny bit jealous.’

‘Oh, whatever!’

‘The only reason you dislike Rhys is because you quite clearly fancy his boyfriend.’

‘Kellen?’ I splutter. I don’t know why Chase always says this. Him and Bec are obsessed with the idea of me and Kellen. ‘I do not fancy Kellen.’

‘Mmm-hmm,’ he says. ‘Sure you don’t. And you don’t secretly think Rhys is hot either. The three of you would make a cute throuple, actually. Maybe after prom you can all head down to the boathouse and engage in a little ménage à trois?’

‘OK, now you’re being ridiculous,’ I say. ‘I understand why you might think I fancy Kellen … but Rhys?! When have I ever expressed interest in basic jocks like him?’

Chase cracks up. ‘It’s really easy to wind you up, you know that?’

‘Anyway, Kellen’s dead to me since he ditched us,’ I say. ‘He’s one floor up – it would take thirty seconds for him to come down and say hey.’

Kellen has a single room, making him one of the only Oakbrook students without a room-mate. Chase and I were very much his surrogates – he used to spend all his time in here – and now it’s like we never see him.

‘He could at least sit with us at lunch. Why does everything now have to be about Rhys?’

‘He’s just excited,’ Chase says. ‘He’s still in the honeymoon period.’

‘It’s been a year!’

‘He always wanted a boyfriend, Zach, and then he lands the hottest guy in school. I miss him too, but we’ve gotta let him have this. It might not be what you want, but at least try to be happy for him. That’s what friends do.’

‘I am trying,’ I grumble. ‘But Rhys is such a colossal meathead … and apparently nobody else sees it.’ I glance back down at my phone. ‘He got fifty-six votes, Chase. Fifty-six!’

‘Well, I’m not changing it. But if it’s any consolation, I didn’t vote for him.’

‘Who did you vote for?’ I ask, studying the results a little more closely.

‘Who do you think?’

‘Oh,’ I say. ‘Zachary Evans – one vote. Well, I appreciate the sympathy –’

‘No, you idiot,’ he says, laughing. ‘I voted for myself.’

‘You did?’ I check my tally to make sure I haven’t misread it. But no, it’s really there. Someone actually voted for me. ‘Maybe it was Bec?’

‘Nope, she also voted for me.’ He grins. ‘See: Chase Kwan – two votes.’

‘That can’t be right,’ I say, double-checking.

Did someone really vote for me? Over every other boy in school? That’s like voting for your favourite ice cream and deciding to go with vanilla. And not even the good kind. We’re talking about that bargain block at the back of the freezer that you forgot about until you were really hungry at 3 a.m.

‘Looks like someone has a secret admirer.’ Chase beams. ‘Who do you think it was? Josh perhaps? Maybe he wants to reignite the old flame …’ He nudges me as he says it.

‘There was no flame. I told you, we were just experimenting.’

‘With your pants round your ankles?’

‘Oh my God,’ I say. ‘We’re not having this conversation again.’

The Story Continues on BooksBarbecue!

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