Florian appeared to sway slightly, but stood his ground, jaw outthrust. “Hoho! Is that the best ye can do? Well, let a champion show ye a thing or two!”

Wugger shouted out encouragingly, “Goo on, zurr, you’m show ee vermints!”

Others began egging him on. He held up a paw for silence, then launched into his tirade. “You misbegotten muddleheaded mudmuckers! Slop-pawed, fiddlefaced bottlenosed baggybottomed bucketbellied beetlebrained beasts!”

The two make-believe ferrets looked aghast, falling back several paces under the onslaught, then they recovered and retaliated.

“Stinky stringpawed snaggletoothed slopswiller!”

“Aye, filthy frogfaced flippin’ foozlebacked fop!”

The hare threw a paw across his brow and reeled about as if wounded by the barbed words. Excitement broke out among the onlookers as Elachim and Borrakul swaggered about triumphantly.

“Fight back! Don’t let vermin shout things at y’like that!”

Dwopple shook a clenched paw at the ferrets. “Nutnose nokkykneed smellypaws!”

Deesum covered his mouth, shocked. “My dear, where did you learn such horrid expressions?”

Florian, alias Ballaw, was back insulting gallantly. “Toothless twoggletongued twitterin’ tripehounds! Slackgutted slimesided sludgehearted spiritless spitspatterers . . .”

The ferrets began to sink to the floor under the weight of insults. Redwallers rose, clapping and cheering as they urged the heroic hare on to greater efforts.

“Don’t stop, you’ve got ’em now!”

“Aye, carry on, sir, give it to ’em hot’n’heavy!”

“Show the villains who’s boss!”

“Burr hurr, you’m tell umm wot you’m think of umm, zurr!”

Florian strode bravely forward, cloak swirling as he finished off the retreating foebeasts with resounding phrases. “Addletongued applenecked amateur animals! Baldybacked bumptious birdbrained bootlickers! Craven-tailed crumpetfaced curs! Despicable dungeon-eared doodlebugs! Entrail-eatin’ eggheaded eyesores! Foulfurred frog-fearin’ felons! Nitnosed chopcheeked dishwater-drinkers! Loppylugged laggards! Begone! Fatuous ferrets!”

As Elachim and Borrakul dropped their tails and scrabbled off on all fours, the hare swaggered victoriously through the imaginary woodland glade. Every creature in Great Hall cheered him to the echo, leaping up on the tables and applauding wildly.

Florian took a jug of strawberry fizz from a passing mole server and drained it at a single draft. He bowed deeply, trying modestly to prevent himself from belching. The Dibbuns thought it great sport to dash about the tables, trying out newfound insults on their elders.

“You’m a gurt baggybum beetle, zurr, hurr, an’ a foozleface too!”

“Heehee! An’ you a flittynose an’ a doogleduck figgleface, so there!”

Stifling a smile, Cregga rapped on the table for silence. “That’s quite enough for one night. Up to your beds, Dibbuns!”

Grandma Ellayo agreed wholeheartedly. “Aye, an’ bed for you too, mister Florian. Shame on you, teachin’ liddle ’uns language like that. Go wash yore mouth out!”

Florian protested volubly. “But madam, ’twas only an entertainment, a historical play. What about the two otters? They said some jolly dreadful things.”

Elachim and Borrakul sipped cold mint tea innocently.

“What, us? Oh, marm, mister Florian beats us if the insults don’t sound bad enough!”