That pregnant pause told her so much. It told her how badly he wanted to know. It told her how he had devoted his life to searching for the truth, for answers to a mystery that had robbed him of his family.

“You’ve killed a lot of lycans,” she guessed.

“Hundreds,” he confirmed, voice flat, without remorse.

“You could have already killed the one responsible,” she pointed out.

“Believe me, I’ve thought the same thing. I’ve never killed a lycan without asking myself that very thing. Is this the one?”

“After your parents died, where did you go?”

“My grandmother took us in. Although I can’t say she wanted to. It was all very hard on Kit. A little girl needs love. More than what I could give. A woman’s touch, you know. My grandmother was finished raising children.” He laughed dryly. “I’m not sure she even wanted my mother. They were never very close. My parents, my sister, and me. We were it. We were everything. Until that night, I couldn’t have asked for a happier life.”

She closed her eyes, saddened at what he and his sister suffered, what they lost. His mother had killed the man she loved, the father of her children. Gideon knew firsthand about savagery and death.

“That’s why you joined NODEAL?”

Vengeance. She could understand such a motive. Which is why she couldn’t understand his willingness to let her live. She was only grateful for it.

He nodded. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“Destroy lycans?”

Again, he nodded.

“But not me?” she questioned, her confusion clear. How could he even stand to be with her, much less hold and touch her?

He said nothing. His hand moved over her hair, caressing the strands. “I want to give you the chance my mother never had.”

“How old were you when your parents died?”

“Sixteen.”

“My God,” she breathed against his chest.

“My sister was only eight,” he continued in a hollow voice. “I always felt guilty that she didn’t have more time with our parents. That she only had eight years to remember.”

Claire propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him. He traced her eyebrows lightly.

Her heart clenched as she thought of the boy who lost both parents in one night, about the allegiance he must feel to the man that saved him and his little sister. “Must be hard to go against Cooper like this.”

“It is and it isn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s hard to accept that I’m breaking policy and betraying Cooper. He saved my life. And he gave me a goal, something to live for when I wanted to die right alongside my parents. I needed a purpose in life.” He cupped the side of her face with one hand, his voice velvet smooth as he murmured, “But it would be harder to destroy you.”