Of course not. Nobody does. But I have done it before, that is true. I killed Darius, but I was fighting for survival, for escape. It doesn’t matter that I felt no remorse—I was too traumatized by my experiences at their hands for any feelings other than relief—it was still self-defense. And he was the one who started out armed. Darius ruined many lives, including mine, and the Tadić brothers have perhaps ruined many more. But does that justify me playing avenging angel and killing them? I don’t know the answer and may never know; it’s an argument I can have with myself forever, and I’m certainly not going to ask anyone else for a judgment.
2. Can I carry it out?
I don’t know. Do I have the courage, the skill and the brains to go through with it? Goran Tadić is a formidable opponent, strong and ruthless. I’m weaker, and I’m alone. Whatever method I use, I will have to employ more stealth than strength. And if I don’t want to get caught, which I most certainly don’t, I’ll also need a good escape plan and a method that will leave no evidence linking me to the body. It’s a tall order, and I’m not sure I can carry it out.
3. How would I do it?
What method should I use? I have no access to poisons and know nothing about them. I might be able to get my hands on a gun through some old contacts down here, but a gun would be noisy and there would be too much forensic evidence. I don’t know how to use one, anyway, and would probably end up shooting myself in the foot! It would be nice if I could make it appear like an accident—push him under a Tube train, for example, or a bus—but that would be difficult to orchestrate. He probably doesn’t use the Tube, anyway. Besides, that would have to be done in public, and someone might see me. Knife crimes are common and kitchen knives are certainly easy enough to buy without arousing any suspicions. Maybe that’s the way to go. But first I will have to render him unconscious. My tranquilizers are probably not strong enough. It would take too many of them, and their presence would be hard to disguise. But I still have some of the flunitrazepam my French doctor prescribed before it was taken off the market there. That’s powerful stuff. It will work faster, too. Twenty to thirty minutes. I certainly don’t want to be in a hotel room with Goran Tadić for too long, waiting for him to fall asleep. Flunitrazepam is also soluble in water and alcohol, which is perfect.