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The woman on the floor was like a heavy animal that had suddenly become very ill. He stepped back to the bed and looked at her with a queer impersonal light in his eyes. She had difficulty holding up her head. The light from the candles, cut off from her submerged body by the bed itself, shone full on her face and shoulders. The rest of her body was buried in a kind of darkness. His mind remained the alert swift thing it had been ever since he had found Natalie. In a moment now he could do more thinking than he had done before in a year. If he ever became a writer, as he sometimes thought maybe he would, after he had gone away with Natalie, he would never want for things to write about. If one kept the lid off the well of thinking within oneself, let the well empty itself, let the mind consciously think any thoughts that came to it, accepted all thinking, all imaginings, as one accepted the flesh of people, animals, birds, trees, plants, one might live a hundred or a thousand lives in one life. To be sure it was absurd to go stretching things too much, but one could at least play with the notion that one could become something more than just one individual man and woman living one narrow circumscribed life. One could tear down all walls and fences and walk in and out of many people, become many people. One might in himself become a whole town full of people, a city, a nation.
The thing to bear in mind, however, now, at this moment was the woman on the floor, the woman whose voice had, but a moment before, called out again the word her lips had always been saying to him.
"Don't! Don't! Let's not, John! Not now, John!" What persistent denial, of himself, perhaps of herself, too, there had been.
It was rather absurdly cruel how impersonal he felt towards her. It was likely few people in the world ever realized what depths of cruelty lay sleeping within themselves. All the things that came out of the well of thinking within oneself, when one jerked off the lid, were not easy to accept as a part of oneself.
As for the woman on the floor, if one let one's fancy go, one could stand as he was now doing, looking directly at the woman, and could think the most absurdly inconsequential thoughts.
For one thing one could have the fancy that the darkness in which her body was submerged, because of the accident that the light from the candles did not fall on it, was the sea of silence into which she had, all through these years, been sinking herself deeper and deeper.
And the sea of silence was just another and fancier name for something else, for that deep well within all men and women, of which he had been thinking so much during the past few weeks.