Contents ( 22)
The candles on their high place flickered as they burned. The light fell only on her shoulders, her head, and her upraised arm and hand.
She was almost submerged in a sea of darkness. Now and then, from sheer weariness her head fell forward and there was an effect of sinking completely into the sea.
Still her arm was upraised and her head came back again to the surface of the sea. There was a slight rocking movement to her body. She was like an old boat, half waterlogged, lying in the sea. Little fluttering waves of light seemed playing over her heavy white upraised face.
Breathing was somewhat difficult. Thinking was somewhat difficult. One had gone along for years without thinking. It was better to lie quietly in a sea of silence. The world was quite right in excommunicating those who disturbed the sea of silence. Mary Webster's body quivered a little. One might kill, but had not the strength to kill, did not know how to kill. Killing was a business one had to learn too.
It was unbearable, but one had at times to think. Things happened. A woman married a man and then found, quite suddenly, she had not married him. The world was getting strange unacceptable notions about marriage. Daughters should not be told such things as her husband was now telling their daughter. Could the mind of a young virginal girl be raped by her own father, into consciousness of unspeakable things in life? If such things were permitted what would become of all decent orderly living of lives? Virginal girls should find out nothing about life until the time came to live the things they must, being women, finally accept.
*
In every human body there is a great well of silent thinking always going on. Outwardly certain words are said, but there are other words being said at the same time down in the deep hidden places. There is a deposit of thoughts, of unexpressed emotions. How many things thrown down into the deep well, hidden away in the deep well.
There is a heavy iron lid clamped over the mouth of the well. When the lid is safely in place one gets on all right. One goes about saying words, eating food, meeting people, conducting affairs, accumulating moneys, wearing clothes, one lives an ordered life.
Sometimes at night, in dreams, the lid trembles, but no one knows about that.
Why should there be those who desire to tear the lids off the wells, to break through the walls'? Things had better be left as they are. Those who disturb the heavy iron lids should be killed.
*
The heavy iron lid over the deep well that was within the body of Mary Webster was trembling violently. It danced up and down. The dancing light from the candles was like the little playful waves on the surface of a calm sea. It met in her eyes another kind of dancing light.
On the couch John Webster talked freely and easily. If he had set the stage he had also given himself the talking role in the drama that was to be played out upon it. His own thought had been that everything that happened on that evening was directed towards his daughter. He had even dared to think he might be able to rechannel her life. Her young life was like a river that was still small and made but a slight murmuring sound as it ran through quiet fields. One might still step across the stream that was later, when it had taken other streams into itself, to become a river. One might venture to throw a log across the stream, to start it off in a quite different direction. The whole thing was a daring, a quite reckless thing to do, but one could not quite escape some such action.