‘I’m having more sex than I’ve ever had before in my life,’ he wails, bursting into fresh tears. ‘It’s fantastic.’

I don’t interrupt, just hand him a tissue.

‘There’s this one guy, right, he’s a friend of Nico’s, he’s really gorgeous, his name’s Toma, and I really like him, I mean really like him, and we’ve been seeing each other and it’s been great, I mean really great, I mean really, really great …’

He’s looking at me with strange goggling eyes, which I take as my cue to say, ‘Wow, what have you been doing?’

‘Barebacking,’ he whispers, and then looks very pleased with himself. ‘It’s amazing.’

‘Barebacking.’

‘What?’

‘You’re barebacking.’

‘Yeah. It’s okay. He’s been tested.’

‘Right. Tested.’

‘Oh you think you know it all,’ he says, and launches into a long rambling tirade about how little I understand ‘the lifestyle’. I don’t really listen, because I’m feeling quite anxious myself, having been less than a hundred per cent careful with Stuart on holiday, especially when under the influence of drugs. But there’s a big difference between Stuart and some dodgy connection of Hadley’s …

‘… with the right medication. I mean it’s not a death sentence any more.’

I suddenly snap back into focus. ‘What are you telling me?’

‘Oh God here we go. If you’re going to get pious on me I’m off.’

‘What about that five hundred pounds?’

He sits down again.

‘It doesn’t give you the right to lecture me,’ he says, sticking out his lower lip, and I suddenly feel quite sorry for his parents, because he must have been a hideous teenager.

‘Let’s calm down. You’d better tell me what you need this money for.’

‘It’s none of your business.’

‘Goodbye, Jonathan.’ I stand up and start putting my sweater on.

‘Sit down, for fuck’s sake.’ Jonathan knows as well as I do that this isn’t just one of our playground tiffs, this could be the end of a beautiful friendship. ‘Look, I’m in trouble and I need help. Just don’t … tell me off, or anything.’

It turns out that Jonathan has been helping himself to the takings, on the grounds that Hadley isn’t actually paying him for his services and therefore he is entitled to a ‘commission’. Unfortunately he failed to mention this to Hadley, who quickly realised that the figures weren’t adding up, and gave Jonathan forty-eight hours in which to make up the shortfall. Needless to say Jonathan failed to meet this deadline, for reasons which he thought entirely sound, and so Hadley negotiated an extension with interest. The first instalment of which, £500, Jonathan has failed to raise.

I have often mentioned to Jonathan that if he would only bite the bullet and work for a living, e.g. on the checkouts at Tesco, he would have money in the bank and less opportunity for spending it, but the idea is abhorrent to him and he is always looking for alternative revenue sources that don’t involve actual work. Miraculously, he’s scraped by ever since we left college, but now I think his luck may have run out.