For now, I try to let go of my future fear long enough to enjoy this present moment. For now, it’s so much more than enough.

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I take a second to reflect that I’m in an empty room with my committed boyfriend of two years. How lucky am I to be here? There’s a reality where this privilege would never have existed for us. Hell, that reality still exists in many places. There’s also a reality where my inherited Catholic guilt would make me feel ashamed of my body and my sexuality, but that’s one benefit of being queer—if you let yourself, you learn to throw away some of the old expectations earlier than most.

The way I see it, Logan and I are respectful and responsible. We are beyond lucky to have each other. Really, it’d be a sin not to be with each other, instead of the other way around.

Especially since it still causes me physical pain, the thought of moving three thousand miles away to go to Penn while Logan stays here to go to UCLA. At least I’ll be able to persuade my parents to cover some of the extra flights home during breaks so we can see each other, but every part of me is terrified of this looming separation.

I banish this thought as we make our way to the bed, leaving a trail of discarded clothes in our wake. I fall on top of Logan and feel myself tumble into wonderland, where suddenly everything else melts away. All I want to do is make him feel as good as I do. Luckily, I know all the right moves.

My hand travels up his abs and over his chest to grip his cheek while we kiss. Then I reach into the tight curls of his hair and pull slightly, breathing into the stretched curve of his neck. Logan moans and I fall deeper down in the swirling wonder, my every thought evaporating like raindrops on a summer sidewalk.

Steam fills my body as lips keep moving over skin, until time stands still and races by at the same moment. Some corner of my mind knows the real world will come rushing back soon, but until then, Logan and I sink deeper into this warmth, this fire burning out of control.

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Too little time passes before a knock comes at the door. Mildly annoyed that Amelia can’t leave us alone for a while, I take a few seconds to pull myself together before I open the door. I’m very glad I took this beat once I do, because it is not Amelia who stands there.