It really did feel like all that pressure broke something open inside The Hermetic Dawn. I saw so much of myself, vision after vision. The four of us didn’t talk about our experiences as much as I expected, but then again, something about it felt so personal. Revealing too much feels like I’d be sharing my bedtime prayers or a birthday-candle wish.

Despite all the cards I saw myself projected into, only one feels stained into my brain: the Queen of Swords, our final missing card. Call it serendipity or call it spooky, but of course I saw myself reflected as the Queen in the Hermetic Dawn experience. That vision has left me with the Sword Queen’s conclusion: soon I will be rewarded with something of great value, but also the responsibility of how to wield it. This Queen also represents harsh grace, cutting through truth while also causing destruction. I can’t stop thinking about her card quote from the Perillian booklet: Rules are for peasants, but context is for royals. It’s something Maggie said to us at the start of this journey, but now it feels like it applies more than ever.

Everything feels like it has been building to this point, this peak, this pinnacle. I can’t believe Anwar’s betrayal only happened yesterday—it already feels like a lifetime ago. In many ways, it was. When he betrayed me in that impossible way, all I could see was the confirmation of my deepest, darkest fears. But today something shifted. Earlier, lying in the back of Charvan while I was supposed to be asleep, I felt the urge to check Anwar’s profile. After the way he so thoroughly deceived me, I didn’t believe he could have been honest about the story he gave in his letter, about the reasons why he stole the deck.

I half expected to be blocked from Anwar’s page, but when I opened it, I was surprised in a very different way. His two most recent pictures were of subjects he never posted before. The first was a photo of him reading on top of a mobile home, calling it his place. The second was a photo of him sitting beside his mom in a hospital bed. I expected to feel fire and fury seeing Anwar’s face again, but instead I just felt heavy. It turns out Anwar really wasn’t lying about some things, after all. And since betraying me, he obviously felt inspired to show the reality of himself for the very first time.

Even now, I can’t help but feel these posts were meant for me. That they were Anwar’s way of telling me all the truths he couldn’t bring himself to speak out loud. Doing so on social media might not be the best expression, but it’s maybe better than nothing.

So right here, on this mountainside, I send my own silent message back to Anwar.