“Yes, and apparently someone who doesn’t always think about how my honesty will impact others,” Logan follows. “I know you and Amelia seem different in a lot of ways, but I realized you’re actually the same in the way that matters, in a way that sets you apart from me. At your core, you both always think about how your actions will impact others, before everything else.”

I’ve never really thought of it that way, but hearing Logan say this, it does feel instantly correct.

“All I mean to say is that I’m sorry for telling you my truth the way I did, even if I didn’t intend to hurt you,” Logan continues. “I do still love you. Being apart from you this way, it was so much harder than I expected. It terrifies me, honestly.”

Logan looks like he might cry, but he carries on.

“I know I promised I’d let you decide what works for you, I just needed to say those things first.”

I realize, with a pang, that Logan didn’t say he wants to stay together monogamously, the way we were. This one thought rips into me once again, opening another chasm in my chest. However, I force myself to acknowledge this insecure pulse and let the feeling pass through me. Then I choose another thought. I tell myself I am wanted. I am worthy. I am no one’s sidekick. Logan loves me for who I am and always has, no matter how our circumstances shift.

Thinking these better thoughts, I feel my decision settle in my gut, the place where my head meets my heart. I might not be sure it’s the absolute right answer, but if I trust my instincts this way, how can I ever regret my decision?

“Logan, I think we should take a break when we go to college.”

Click here

“Logan, I want to stay together and see if an open relationship works for us.”

Click here

“It’s not because I don’t forgive you. Or because I don’t still love you,” I continue, forging forward. “I do forgive you. I do love you. That’s why I think this is right. I don’t want us to ruin what we have, putting it into the precarious position of being with other people. And if I don’t have some kind of clean break, I don’t think I’ll ever let go.”

Tears form in my eyes as I speak, but I make sure I finish saying everything I need to.

“And I think we should let each other go, because we love each other. And because I know, deep down, that can outlast anything. It might not always look the same, but I have faith it’ll always be there.”

Seeing Logan’s face nearly breaks my heart, but that’s only because I can see what’s written there: he knows I’m right.