“For someone who hasn’t spoken for two days, you suddenly have an awful lot to say,” Amelia snaps back. “And for someone whose feelings we’ve been very sensitive around, you’re being pretty freaking selfish right now. Can you just give me a damn minute?”

“I’m always giving you a minute, Amelia,” I respond on impulse, without thinking. Another half-truth, another insensitivity.

“Like you gave Logan a minute?” Amelia fires. “I’m sorry if my emotions are too messy for you, or if I trust too big and get myself in trouble. But I’ll take that any day over being cold. Over shutting down like a robot.”

Suddenly my emotions wither. I can’t control it. I know I’m about to spew carelessness, like wind rattling the dying leaves off a tree.

Click here

I mean to sound thoughtful, but as soon as the words leave my lips, I can tell they only sound unsure. Insecure.

“Which one is it, Chase?” Amelia sighs, her eyes closing. “Are you going to retreat into yourself or are you going to tell me what’s best? Which is most convenient in Chase’s world right now?”

These words shift something in me, like plates scraping.

“Do you have a problem?” I ask. “Because I’ve only tried to support you this entire trip.”

“Support me or manage me? I can make my own decisions, you know.”

“Yes,” I spit, a crater opening in my chest. “We can see where that’s gotten us.”

Amelia takes my words like a bullet. I hate myself even more for it.

“Well, I’m sorry I know what I want and go for it without apology,” Amelia then fires. “But maybe if you got out of your own head for two minutes, Logan wouldn’t have left either.”

Hearing this, my brain cracks. It’s like a tree trunk snapping in half, buckling under the weight of my collected thoughts. Then, for a furious moment, it’s not just myself I hate.

Click here

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t need to consider everything or make myself small if my best friend didn’t always take up all the air.”

The second I unleash these words, I regret them. I don’t even mean them, not really. At least I don’t think I do. But Amelia doesn’t deserve this, especially with her panic stuff. The last thing I want is to add to her anxiety or push her into an attack. I just feel so… everything, all at once. It’s too much.

“Amelia, I didn’t mean that,” I say quickly. “Really, I just… I’m so messed up over Logan, I can’t see straight.”

“I didn’t mean what I said either,” Amelia offers, her eyes on the floor.