Amelia, this letter is much less than you deserve, but I had to leave something behind. Some explanation that would maybe excuse the inexcusable thing I’ve done.

My mom is sick. We have no money. We live near Los Olivos because my mom cleans rich people’s houses off the books. She and I, we live in a trailer—which is why I didn’t want you to see it. Mom can’t work anymore and I don’t know how we’re going to pay for her treatments. So when I found out how much your deck is worth from Lady Azure… Well, I think you know what I’ve done by now.

I tried to sell the deck to Page Zain, but in such a short time, I could only find someone online who claimed to know them: Rosa Resfriado, owner of Chills Coven Shop. As collateral, I gave her the clues on the Empress and Hanged Man cards to open some compartment, because she already knew where the King of Pentacles was hidden. By the time you read this I’ll have also sold her the deck. I know she’s not giving me as much as I could get if I kept it to sell to Page Zain directly, but the money she promised me will buy us a few months. Besides, I think I was afraid if I held onto the deck, I’d come to my senses and return it to you, like a good guy would. And maybe part of me wanted to sell it somewhere you’d have a shot to get it back.

I’m telling you this so maybe you can go to Chills Coven. I never told Rosa anything about you, so she won’t see you coming. Maybe you can take back your grandmother’s deck, because I know it really belongs with you.

Just like I know what I did is wrong. I wish I had another choice.

Amelia, you have to know, what we had together, the things I said to you—I wasn’t faking that. I promise. I came along with you, knowing nothing about your deck at first. But once I found out what it was worth, I knew what I had to do. And I knew you and I couldn’t last, afterward. I just really wish it could be different, because you’re every bit as amazing as I’d hoped.

Anwar

I look up at Amelia’s face to find it shattered—and torn. I understand.

How do you hate someone who did the wrong thing for the maybe-right reason? And if you can’t bring yourself to hate someone who broke your heart, where does that leave you? I want to say these things to Amelia, but I don’t say anything at all. Part of me is afraid of breathing reality into any of this. The other part of me is just too tired.