“It’s not Margo’s fault that the medicine didn’t work. I just don’t want it to be Maddie. I want her to be okay. It’s like this is the cost.”

“The cost of what?”

“Of magic. Of being a shapeshifter. Like they’re strong and fast and somebody has to pay the price for that. But why her?”

I wish I knew. I’d asked myself the exact same question when I found Voron dead, when I saw the ruin of Greg Feldman’s body, and when Julie lay in a hospital bed, so sedated her heart was barely beating. I wanted so much to spare Julie from that. It killed me that I couldn’t. I didn’t know why some people had tragedy after tragedy thrown at them, as if life were testing them, and others lived blissfully, untouched by grief.

I told her the truth. “I don’t know. I think it’s because a child is the most precious thing we have. There is a price for everything, and it’s never something you can afford to give up. It’s always someone you love.”

Julie stared at me. “Why?”

“I don’t know. That’s the way it always is.”

Julie drew back. “I don’t want it. If that’s the way it’s going to be, I don’t want to have any babies.”

Life had finally scarred Julie deep enough. Now my kid had decided not to have children, not because she didn’t want to be a mother, but because she was too scared of the world into which she would be bringing her children. That was so screwed up. I wanted to stab something.

Julie was looking at me, waiting for something.

“Having children or not having them is your choice, Julie. Whether you do or don’t, Curran and I will love you anyway. You don’t ever have to worry that we’ll stop.”

“Good, because I don’t want kids.”

We fell silent.

“You’re leaving,” she said.

“Yes. Are you scared?”

Julie shrugged. “You’re the alpha and you have to go.”

“That’s right.”

“And if anybody will get the medicine, it’s you. I understand.” Her voice was tiny. “Don’t die. Just don’t die, okay?”

“I have no plans to die. I’m coming back with panacea and we’re getting Maddie out of the healing tank.”

“I heard Jim talking,” Julie said quietly.

Oh boy.

“He said that it was a trap and you might not come back.”

Thank you, Mr. Positive Peggy, we appreciate your vote of confidence. “Does the spy master know you’re spying on him?”

“No. I’m very careful and he doesn’t look up very often.”