Such were my vague thoughts, and I attributed her altered mood to widowhood, as was only natural. I continued to visit her, ready to allow the first stage of mourning to pass before formally asking for her hand in marriage. There was no need to make any new declaration; she knew how I felt. She continued to welcome me. She asked not a single question about her husband, nor did her aunt, and we spoke no more about the revolution. For my part, I reverted to the way things had been before and, not wishing to waste any time, I played the role of suitor to the full. One day, I asked if she was considering going back to Rio Grande.

“Not for the moment, no.”

“But you will go?”

“Possibly, but I have no definite plans. It’s merely a possibility.”

After a brief silence, during which I eyed her questioningly, I finally asked if, before she left—assuming she did leave—she would change anything in her life.

“My life has already changed completely . . .”

She obviously hadn’t understood me, or so I thought. I tried to explain myself more clearly and wrote her a letter in which I reminded her of that first letter of mine, which she had refused to open and in which I had asked for her hand. Two days later, I gave her this new letter, saying:

“I’m sure you won’t refuse to read this one.”

She did not refuse and took the letter. This happened as I was leaving, at the door to the parlor. I think I even saw in her face a slight hopeful flicker of excitement. She did not reply in writing, as I had hoped. Three days passed, and by then I was so anxious that I resolved to return to Engenho Velho. On the way there, I imagined all kinds of possible responses: that she would reject me, accept me, put me off, and, if not that second option, then I was prepared to make do with the third one. Alas, she had gone to spend a few days in Tijuca and was not at home. I left, feeling slightly annoyed. It seemed to me that she really didn’t want to marry, but then wouldn’t it be easier for her to say so or to write a letter telling me as much? This thought aroused new hopes in me.