“That is your cheap, easy, workaday publicity, but there is more. Whatever the theory of art may have to say on the subject, it is beyond doubt that family sentiment, personal friendship, and public esteem all encourage the artistic reproduction of a well-loved or distinguished man’s physiognomy. Nothing prevents you from being the object of such distinction, particularly if your discerning friends sense no reluctance on your part. In that case, not only are you required by the rules of common courtesy to accept the portrait or bust so offered, but you would also be ill-advised to prevent your friends from arranging a public exhibition of said portrait. In this way your name becomes firmly attached to your person; those who have read your recent speech, say, to the inaugural congress of the National Union of Hairdressers will recognize in your rugged features the author of such a weighty peroration, in which the “levers of progress” and the “sweat of the brow” overcame the “gaping gullets” of poverty. In the event of a delegation bringing the portrait to your home, you should thank them for their kindness with a grateful speech and a banquet—a venerable, sensible, and honest custom. You will, of course, also invite your closest friends, your relations, and, if possible, one or two prominent figures. Furthermore, since the day is one of glory and jubilation, I do not see how you could decently refuse a place at your table to some newspaper reporters. In the unfortunate event that the duties of these gentlemen of the press have detained them elsewhere, you can help them out by yourself drafting a report of the celebrations. And should you, on account of some entirely understandable scruple, not wish to apply the requisite glowing adjectives yourself, then ask a friend or relation to do it.”

“None of this is going to be easy, Father.”