“I don’t.” Taking a chance, she laid a hand on her mother’s. There was a bond there, there had to be. Why did she always feel as though her fingers were just sliding away from it? “Honestly, I don’t compare Channing with anyone. The simple fact is, I find him stilted, boring and pretentious. It could be that I’d find any man the same just now. I’m not interested in men at this point of my life, Mother. I want to make something of myself.”

“Make something of yourself,” Margerite repeated, more stunned than angry. “You’re a Hayward. You don’t need to make yourself anything else.” She plucked up a napkin to dab at her lips. “For heaven’s sake, Sydney, you’ve been divorced from Peter for four years. It’s time you found a suitable husband. It’s women who write the invitations,” she reminded her daughter. “And they have a policy of excluding beautiful, unattached females. You have a place in society, Sydney. And a responsibility to your name.”

The familiar clutching in her stomach had Sydney setting the tea aside. “So you’ve always told me.”

Satisfied that Sydney would be reasonable, she smiled. “If Channing won’t do, there are others. But I really think you shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him. If I were twenty years younger…well.” She glanced at her watch and gave a little squeak. “Dear me, I’m going to be late for the hairdresser. I’ll just run and powder my nose first.”

When Margerite slipped into the adjoining bath, Sydney leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Where was she to put all these feelings of guilt and inadequacy? How could she explain herself to her mother when she couldn’t explain herself to herself?

Rising, she went back to her desk. She couldn’t convince Margerite that her unwillingness to become involved again had nothing to do with Peter when, in fact, it did. They had been friends, damn it. She and Peter had grown up with each other, had cared for each other. They simply hadn’t been in love with each other. Family pressure had pushed them down the aisle while they’d been too young to realize the mistake. Then they had spent the best part of two years trying miserably to make the marriage work.

The pity of it wasn’t the divorce, but the fact that when they had finally parted, they were no longer friends. If she couldn’t make a go of it with someone she’d cared for, someone she’d had so much in common with, someone she’d liked so much, surely the lack was in her.

All she wanted to do now was to feel deserving of her grandfather’s faith in her. She’d been offered a different kind of responsibility, a different kind of challenge. This time, she couldn’t afford to fail.