A man dressed smartly appears and he glares at me. I have to press back against the cold wall to let him pass. He is a reptile. Stones for eyes. Scutes all over his skin – slick, armoured – a tail to flick left-to-right. Over a million years reptiles have perfected their ability to detect and exploit weakness. It is almost admirable. Sometimes they seek easy prey. Other times they enjoy a fight. They sit in courtrooms. Deal out judgement. Turn up to football games. They turn a red leather barber’s chair and welcome your child with a lollipop and a wide reptilian smile. They act in theatres. Teach in schools. They hold keys to the police station. They bake your wedding cake. Bow onstage as a curtain falls. They write poems. They take up a good cause. They save things – loudly! They are careful to be seen to be doing things that are nothing at all to do with murder. They are charming. They are liked. It is important to make sure others – owe them. Reptiles lay in bed reading. They get a cold. They take two sugars in their tea. They are concerned for you. They bring a gift. They are often top of the pile. Who would be a top predator and let a nicer person pass? The more talented? The greater thinker? No, no, no! That’s not how it works. I am not talking about lizards. This is nothing to do with geckos. I have no issue with chameleons. It has no relevance to turtles. The reptiles I describe – are crocodiles.

God must have mercy on you if you lay down in your bed each night with a crocodile.

If you marry one!

Have its baby and look into tiny baby crocodile eyes!

The crocodile will suckle its victim at night. Each morning they will wake with disdain and a wide-toothed smile. They open their muscular arms only a little. Through evolution they have learnt how to make you want them. Once you step into want they begin to squeeze you tightly. Grin wide crocodile grins as they expel air from your lungs – keeping eye contact all the while. An ancient dance. Spin. Spin. Spin. Descend to the depths. There it is – the deepest ocean floor with a forest of seaweed to filter out the light. Your face will be unbelieving at the end of a death-roll ride! When your body is limp and your expression – incredulous – they will stash you.

Sometimes they will swim back down, sunlight halo behind them.

It won’t be to rescue you or apologise – it will be to find your corpse and take another good long leisurely bite. Whilst you’d like to think you were something unique to them what you find as you turn around is millions of other women and children (mostly) all stashed in an identical watery grave.